Stress-induced, or if I get too worked up, positively or negatively, and I suppose my poor sleeping habits lately haven't helped... but truly, I'll be fine! It's simply a remainder from my childhood.
[once again it feels awkward to bring up his childhood frailty knowing now that tokinaga has a FATAL CONGENITAL DISEASE but yeah... while he's long past the point where people thought one bad illness would kill him as a kid, some chronic conditions you just gotta live with forever nbd. so tokinaga's fussing is actually kind of surprising? when he and people around him got used to it?]
That's all stress of certain type, but that confirms it. Not being in your best shape physically makes the onset more likely.
[ Me double-checking the description of Luxuria so I can make a judgment call on whether they'd have a water cooler and signs are pointing to yes because it's so lavish here. Stay right there Lucien as he hobbles off to get him a cup of woter, get hydrated idiot. ]
[LUCIEN WILL FIGHT YOU IF YOU TRY TO CARRY HIM OUT PLEASE HE'S FINE!!!!!! LET HIM HAVE SOME DIGNITY!!!!!!!
but the good news is that tokinaga doesn't have to wonder for long because oops memory playing on the window now.
cw: suicide, heterosexuality The night before you're due to give your speech to the populace to warn them against the witch, you finally visit Anastasia. It is bittersweet to see her, truthfully. You are always happy to, but you can feel the distance between the two of you, no longer the childhood friends you once were. All you have wanted is for her to see you as a trusted ally, the way she does for the other three (the others, who were there for her when she needed them the most, while you were treated as a stranger and left in the dark).
[ This is the funniest pair of cws to put side by side in the world, okay.
There's a severe sort of rollercoaster Tokinaga feels here for a number of reasons, starting with the word -- witch. A glance that he can't help but throw back when the violent thoughts flow in, something he feels bad about the moment Lucien's true feelings push back against them. ]
...Did you throw yourself into water?
[ I can't tell if it's a lake off the side of the castle or something from this video though I presume as much. The question is sort of there -- did he wake up here after that? ]
[honestly i can't tell either but probably something like that.
anyhow, lucien just stares for a few moments, as various things hit him.
one, he respects tokinaga a lot, so it's doubly humiliating to have the man see lucien at his most pathetic.
two, he kind of gathered that drowning means something to tokinaga based off that playacting experience, so he's appalled that tokinaga had to witness his memory about, well, drowning.
three, tokinaga also has thoughts on dying (such as not wanting to), so it seems pretty insensitive to show him a memory of someone taking his own life?
which is to say, lucien is horrified, guilt quickly seeping in, to the extent that he ignores tokinaga's question. he'd rise from the bed, but he's still holding this drink and only its presence in his hand is grounding him because he's too polite to just toss it in his emotions.]
[honestly when in his right mind he is not actually that bothered by the idea of anastasia ending up with someone else, it's really the feeling-like-a-stranger insecurities that got to his head and then sometimes a witch does a bit of pseudo-brainwashing but that's how it be.
I don't mind. Though I should preface this with that very little of this is my personal experience. Most of it is information that Lady Anastasia and Zenn gathered from their struggles.
[lucien really doesn't have much in the way of secrets except for when it's embarrassing or shameful. like naming his cat after his crush. or getting fucked over by a witch. coincidentally tokinaga knows both now.]
The witch selects someone to be a Membrum, preying on their fears and desire to implant the impulse to kill, and eradicating their ability to differentiate between right or wrong.
To give an example, I have been told that in a previous timeline [which is another can of worms, depending on how much tokinaga wants to know] a young friend of mine killed me to harvest my organs. Following other cultures' folklore about food, he believed that if he ate me, he would essentially become me, and thus be able to improve his station. From what I heard, he sincerely believed he had done good, since he shared his cooking with others to save them as well.
[gives you the cannibalism lore while i'm at it because why not. lucien is pretty matter of fact about this, because it's not like he has any memory of it and his friend wasn't in his right mind so lucien has no reason to be like "what the fuck, kid."]
After the Membrum kills, the witch uses his magic to hold a Carnival—a trial in which jurors vote for the culprit among a pool of suspects known as the Sacrificia. Both the murders and Carnivals continue each night, until either the Membrum is caught or they are the last Sacrificium standing.
[ He has all of your embarrassing secrets... what shall he do with it. Names the witch after his crush.
He does listen quietly and starts sorting the information -- the nice thing is, he's actually extremely good with taking in information especially at this point by now, so he keeps up well even with all of the unknown variables. Still. ]
[ Also why is there also a portion of it that's just suddenly we are also Dangan Ronpa / Your Turn To Die. Of course you like this game when it also decides to simply become a deathgame for some reason. ]
[STOP DON'T CALL ME OUT. i'm sorry to tokinaga. lucien watches him go through it and wonders if maybe he should've given less detail? should he... apologize... guilt seeping in again...
he's quiet for a while, trying to figure out how to explain this, and how to avoid anything that is perhaps not lucien's to doxx.]
... On our side is another witch, or something similar in nature—someone with powers. The witch who runs the carnivals is trying to drive them to despair, in hopes that they will be a force of destruction against the country.
However, his plans have yet to come to fruition because of one of their other abilities: the ability to rewind time whenever they die.
[lucien frowns because he hates this ability actually? anastasia (person who dies the most in even if), stop dying ): - signed lucien (person who dies the second most in even if).]
Only a few people retain their memories after this happens, however. They have not spoken at length of everything that happened, but to my understanding, they have turned back time repeatedly to find a way to defeat the witch and to prevent their loved ones' deaths.
[he is trying to be vague about it even if maybe it's too late after he just said that this was all anastasia and zenn's info but yeah......
but also hm. concerning!]
... Tokinaga? [OH NO. he looks around for a flat surface to put his cup down on and settles for placing it on the floor.] Are you all right? I'm sorry, should I have said less...!?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[once again it feels awkward to bring up his childhood frailty knowing now that tokinaga has a FATAL CONGENITAL DISEASE but yeah... while he's long past the point where people thought one bad illness would kill him as a kid, some chronic conditions you just gotta live with forever nbd. so tokinaga's fussing is actually kind of surprising? when he and people around him got used to it?]
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That's all stress of certain type, but that confirms it. Not being in your best shape physically makes the onset more likely.
[ Me double-checking the description of Luxuria so I can make a judgment call on whether they'd have a water cooler and signs are pointing to yes because it's so lavish here. Stay right there Lucien as he hobbles off to get him a cup of woter, get hydrated idiot. ]
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You really don't need to...
[AAAAAAAAAA HE'S BEING A BURDEN ON TOKINAGA presses his head into his hands while tokinaga is gone.]
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[ Here, hands him his drank. ]
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[takes drank :pensive: ]
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but the good news is that tokinaga doesn't have to wonder for long because oops memory playing on the window now.
cw: suicide, heterosexuality
The night before you're due to give your speech to the populace to warn them against the witch, you finally visit Anastasia. It is bittersweet to see her, truthfully. You are always happy to, but you can feel the distance between the two of you, no longer the childhood friends you once were. All you have wanted is for her to see you as a trusted ally, the way she does for the other three (the others, who were there for her when she needed them the most, while you were treated as a stranger and left in the dark).
... In the end, you choose self-control (3:46 - 10:55). sorry lowe i lied it's 7 minutes.
............]
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There's a severe sort of rollercoaster Tokinaga feels here for a number of reasons, starting with the word -- witch. A glance that he can't help but throw back when the violent thoughts flow in, something he feels bad about the moment Lucien's true feelings push back against them. ]
...Did you throw yourself into water?
[ I can't tell if it's a lake off the side of the castle or something from this video though I presume as much. The question is sort of there -- did he wake up here after that? ]
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anyhow, lucien just stares for a few moments, as various things hit him.
one, he respects tokinaga a lot, so it's doubly humiliating to have the man see lucien at his most pathetic.
two, he kind of gathered that drowning means something to tokinaga based off that playacting experience, so he's appalled that tokinaga had to witness his memory about, well, drowning.
three, tokinaga also has thoughts on dying (such as not wanting to), so it seems pretty insensitive to show him a memory of someone taking his own life?
which is to say, lucien is horrified, guilt quickly seeping in, to the extent that he ignores tokinaga's question. he'd rise from the bed, but he's still holding this drink and only its presence in his hand is grounding him because he's too polite to just toss it in his emotions.]
M-My apologies that you had to witness that!
[internally screams.]
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Wait wait, it's fine! Stay calm!
[ Also internally screaming. Just two nice guys trying to out-nice each other through the trauma. ]
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but he freezes.]
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...Are you okay?
[ ...Points subtly at Lucien's water in his hand... ]
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I-I'm fine.
[
drinks the water? is that what tokinaga is telling him to do?]
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He nods short but approvingly at Lucien drinking water. ]
Breathe, alright?
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[so, you know, it's fine. not actually traumatized by the act of taking his own life.]
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cw: cannibalism
[lucien really doesn't have much in the way of secrets except for when it's embarrassing or shameful. like naming his cat after his crush. or getting fucked over by a witch. coincidentally tokinaga knows both now.]
The witch selects someone to be a Membrum, preying on their fears and desire to implant the impulse to kill, and eradicating their ability to differentiate between right or wrong.
To give an example, I have been told that in a previous timeline [which is another can of worms, depending on how much tokinaga wants to know] a young friend of mine killed me to harvest my organs. Following other cultures' folklore about food, he believed that if he ate me, he would essentially become me, and thus be able to improve his station. From what I heard, he sincerely believed he had done good, since he shared his cooking with others to save them as well.
[gives you the cannibalism lore while i'm at it because why not. lucien is pretty matter of fact about this, because it's not like he has any memory of it and his friend wasn't in his right mind so lucien has no reason to be like "what the fuck, kid."]
After the Membrum kills, the witch uses his magic to hold a Carnival—a trial in which jurors vote for the culprit among a pool of suspects known as the Sacrificia. Both the murders and Carnivals continue each night, until either the Membrum is caught or they are the last Sacrificium standing.
/3
He does listen quietly and starts sorting the information -- the nice thing is, he's actually extremely good with taking in information especially at this point by now, so he keeps up well even with all of the unknown variables. Still. ]
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......
[ HE'S... HORRIFIED? ]
What's... this is... "Previous timeline"...?
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he's quiet for a while, trying to figure out how to explain this, and how to avoid anything that is perhaps not lucien's to doxx.]
... On our side is another witch, or something similar in nature—someone with powers. The witch who runs the carnivals is trying to drive them to despair, in hopes that they will be a force of destruction against the country.
However, his plans have yet to come to fruition because of one of their other abilities: the ability to rewind time whenever they die.
[lucien frowns because he hates this ability actually? anastasia (person who dies the most in even if), stop dying ): - signed lucien (person who dies the second most in even if).]
Only a few people retain their memories after this happens, however. They have not spoken at length of everything that happened, but to my understanding, they have turned back time repeatedly to find a way to defeat the witch and to prevent their loved ones' deaths.
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...
[ Sorry he's just going silent in shock for a second. ]
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but also hm. concerning!]
... Tokinaga? [OH NO. he looks around for a flat surface to put his cup down on and settles for placing it on the floor.] Are you all right? I'm sorry, should I have said less...!?
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