[jan.... give me a thread... whatever happens in their little post-meeting, Reirin will come over to see Lucien. HONESTLY SHE WOULD HAVE STUCK TO HIS BEDSIDE LIKE A NURSEMAID!!! MAKING SURE LUCIEN DOESN'T FCKING D*E!!!! escorts him around like he's the grandma let's get you to bed meme. at some point when they are both alone she will perch near him.]
[hewwo although as my excuse for why lucien is here i suppose i should establish before jumping into mem that he is sitting on a bed, hand pressed against his head as he doesn't look too hot.
though he looks up when tokinaga enters during his checkups because once again TOKINAGA IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD AND WE DON'T DESERVE HIM.]
[ It's too big... it's too cushy... he doesn't know who would've been fucking in Purgatory but the chance is never zero and Lucien deserves better than zero... ]
Psychogenic fevers? Stress-induced? Still, some physical relief could help ease it off.
Stress-induced, or if I get too worked up, positively or negatively, and I suppose my poor sleeping habits lately haven't helped... but truly, I'll be fine! It's simply a remainder from my childhood.
[once again it feels awkward to bring up his childhood frailty knowing now that tokinaga has a FATAL CONGENITAL DISEASE but yeah... while he's long past the point where people thought one bad illness would kill him as a kid, some chronic conditions you just gotta live with forever nbd. so tokinaga's fussing is actually kind of surprising? when he and people around him got used to it?]
That's all stress of certain type, but that confirms it. Not being in your best shape physically makes the onset more likely.
[ Me double-checking the description of Luxuria so I can make a judgment call on whether they'd have a water cooler and signs are pointing to yes because it's so lavish here. Stay right there Lucien as he hobbles off to get him a cup of woter, get hydrated idiot. ]
[LUCIEN WILL FIGHT YOU IF YOU TRY TO CARRY HIM OUT PLEASE HE'S FINE!!!!!! LET HIM HAVE SOME DIGNITY!!!!!!!
but the good news is that tokinaga doesn't have to wonder for long because oops memory playing on the window now.
cw: suicide, heterosexuality The night before you're due to give your speech to the populace to warn them against the witch, you finally visit Anastasia. It is bittersweet to see her, truthfully. You are always happy to, but you can feel the distance between the two of you, no longer the childhood friends you once were. All you have wanted is for her to see you as a trusted ally, the way she does for the other three (the others, who were there for her when she needed them the most, while you were treated as a stranger and left in the dark).
[ This is the funniest pair of cws to put side by side in the world, okay.
There's a severe sort of rollercoaster Tokinaga feels here for a number of reasons, starting with the word -- witch. A glance that he can't help but throw back when the violent thoughts flow in, something he feels bad about the moment Lucien's true feelings push back against them. ]
...Did you throw yourself into water?
[ I can't tell if it's a lake off the side of the castle or something from this video though I presume as much. The question is sort of there -- did he wake up here after that? ]
[honestly i can't tell either but probably something like that.
anyhow, lucien just stares for a few moments, as various things hit him.
one, he respects tokinaga a lot, so it's doubly humiliating to have the man see lucien at his most pathetic.
two, he kind of gathered that drowning means something to tokinaga based off that playacting experience, so he's appalled that tokinaga had to witness his memory about, well, drowning.
three, tokinaga also has thoughts on dying (such as not wanting to), so it seems pretty insensitive to show him a memory of someone taking his own life?
which is to say, lucien is horrified, guilt quickly seeping in, to the extent that he ignores tokinaga's question. he'd rise from the bed, but he's still holding this drink and only its presence in his hand is grounding him because he's too polite to just toss it in his emotions.]
[honestly when in his right mind he is not actually that bothered by the idea of anastasia ending up with someone else, it's really the feeling-like-a-stranger insecurities that got to his head and then sometimes a witch does a bit of pseudo-brainwashing but that's how it be.
I don't mind. Though I should preface this with that very little of this is my personal experience. Most of it is information that Lady Anastasia and Zenn gathered from their struggles.
[lucien really doesn't have much in the way of secrets except for when it's embarrassing or shameful. like naming his cat after his crush. or getting fucked over by a witch. coincidentally tokinaga knows both now.]
The witch selects someone to be a Membrum, preying on their fears and desire to implant the impulse to kill, and eradicating their ability to differentiate between right or wrong.
To give an example, I have been told that in a previous timeline [which is another can of worms, depending on how much tokinaga wants to know] a young friend of mine killed me to harvest my organs. Following other cultures' folklore about food, he believed that if he ate me, he would essentially become me, and thus be able to improve his station. From what I heard, he sincerely believed he had done good, since he shared his cooking with others to save them as well.
[gives you the cannibalism lore while i'm at it because why not. lucien is pretty matter of fact about this, because it's not like he has any memory of it and his friend wasn't in his right mind so lucien has no reason to be like "what the fuck, kid."]
After the Membrum kills, the witch uses his magic to hold a Carnival—a trial in which jurors vote for the culprit among a pool of suspects known as the Sacrificia. Both the murders and Carnivals continue each night, until either the Membrum is caught or they are the last Sacrificium standing.
[ He has all of your embarrassing secrets... what shall he do with it. Names the witch after his crush.
He does listen quietly and starts sorting the information -- the nice thing is, he's actually extremely good with taking in information especially at this point by now, so he keeps up well even with all of the unknown variables. Still. ]
[ Also why is there also a portion of it that's just suddenly we are also Dangan Ronpa / Your Turn To Die. Of course you like this game when it also decides to simply become a deathgame for some reason. ]
[STOP DON'T CALL ME OUT. i'm sorry to tokinaga. lucien watches him go through it and wonders if maybe he should've given less detail? should he... apologize... guilt seeping in again...
he's quiet for a while, trying to figure out how to explain this, and how to avoid anything that is perhaps not lucien's to doxx.]
... On our side is another witch, or something similar in nature—someone with powers. The witch who runs the carnivals is trying to drive them to despair, in hopes that they will be a force of destruction against the country.
However, his plans have yet to come to fruition because of one of their other abilities: the ability to rewind time whenever they die.
[lucien frowns because he hates this ability actually? anastasia (person who dies the most in even if), stop dying ): - signed lucien (person who dies the second most in even if).]
Only a few people retain their memories after this happens, however. They have not spoken at length of everything that happened, but to my understanding, they have turned back time repeatedly to find a way to defeat the witch and to prevent their loved ones' deaths.
[he is trying to be vague about it even if maybe it's too late after he just said that this was all anastasia and zenn's info but yeah......
but also hm. concerning!]
... Tokinaga? [OH NO. he looks around for a flat surface to put his cup down on and settles for placing it on the floor.] Are you all right? I'm sorry, should I have said less...!?
[ Tokinaga doesn't have enough info about Anastasia's importance to infer this but me like surely the protagonist that everyone's after and everyone potentially goes mega-yandere over is likely to be the central turnpiece of the plot. ]
-- No. No, no. Sorry, it's not that. [ Even if he seems definitely a lot more nervous and tense than before. ] ...How many times...? How did you find this all out?
[ Literally entirely from the few who remember? Or has Lucien retained anything himself? ]
[hilariously aside from some membrum-induced insanity in bad ends even if is pretty low on the yan, it's like the one well-known dark otome whose love interests are actually broadly green flags even by general otome standards instead of yikes
anyway lucien is not going to mention that he got to witness some of his previous selves' memories here because he feels like maybe that will distress tokinaga more somehow. honestly, like he told zenn once, in a moment of insecurity, he wishes he remembered any of it.]
I learned from those who remembered. It took some effort, but we managed to convince them that there was strength in numbers, and they needn't carry the entire burden by themselves.
So, we put together a plan to stop any Membrum from being created in this timeline. [one hand idly goes up to touch the opposite arm, rubbing it just slightly.] ... Though, as you've seen, it didn't go that way.
[because lucien is a pathetic ass loser whose willpower wasn't strong enough!!]
... One of them was a longtime trusted friend of the others with me. Furthermore, he should've been a complete stranger to me, and yet knew things that I would've only said to those close to me. Apparently, in the first timeline, he had worked under me for years.
Lister was likewise able to verify that L—the one rewinding time knew personal secrets of his, despite not being acquainted as far as he recalled.
[...]
And they had no reason to lie. If they meant to deceive me, they wouldn't have spent so much effort trying to ensure I would stay away in the first place. I had to go through quite a lot of trouble to find them.
It was the very fact that he knew so much about me that we pressed him on how, and he had to reveal the nature of previous timelines.
And to be honest, we were well past the point of Zenn being suspicious when he had already attacked me in an alleyway earlier in an attempt to scare me off and keep me from learning the truth.
[said dryly. doxxes zenn because frankly his memory already doxxed zenn's immortality so that was half the cat out of the bag.
but more seriously—his tone softens.]
... And I do not like doubting people. [he can admit that, even if it makes him naive.] I don't think I give my trust easily, but even if someone's claims are outrageous, does that itself necessarily mean they're more likely to be lying? I've had plenty of people in the palace try to deceive me with the mundane. [a light shake of his head.] These two had given me no reason to doubt them otherwise, especially given the... circumstances we found them in.
[ ...Jeez. Tokinaga rubs at his face with a hand. What kind of wacko secrets are you hiding in your funny little canon twinkazoid... you can fit so much insanity into this guy who is just like Yeah So That Happened. ]
...You're really something, Lucien-kun.
[ TRULY THIS IS ALL HE CAN GET OUT. CHRIST. Just the ability to trust in people is so impressive, but equally as impressive (but maybe slightly derogatory in comparison) is his ability to just be like btw my friend went crazy and tried to turn me into soup and feed me to EVERYONE! ]
Somehow, I feel like I've been underestimating you.
[ He wasn't, not quite, but relative to the bigger picture, yk? ]
it's not like he's completely unaffected, truth be told. he doesn't particularly fear death, doesn't consider his own to be something that should necessarily be grieved even by himself—but what he is scared of is going to sleep and waking up as not himself again. or when he remembers what it was like to want someone dead, which is quite honestly one of the worst feelings in his life, when he doesn't have even an inkling of a death wish against his enemies. anastasia is the one who's pro KILL YOUR ABUSERS, not him...
but he's already been enough of a burden, down to the very end of his life, so the least he could do is avoid that here in purgatory.]
It's fine. Better now—I did tell you it wasn't anything to worry about.
[though speaking of which... hrrrrngh he doesn't really want to ask, but he's aware that he probably should, and who knows? maybe tokinaga would rather think about this than whatever he's thinking.]
Incidentally, how well-versed are you in first aid or medical attention, Tokinaga?
[he knows you helped siffrin out, but checking something...]
[ He seems surprised by the question. After this, he definitely wasn't expecting that. ]
I'm not a doctor or anything, so I can't fully speak on anything specific, but... I've had a course on quick field aid, like what to do if you get bitten by a wild animal, and I went to school for veterinary studies, so I know how to perform certain kinds of medical attention.
[ Honestly despite being a vet by all means he's actually. Incredibly well-equipped to just practically be a human GP. Since he also looks after Obikawa and, I guess since this is the thread of weird lore bombs, his 'cat' actually has human organs. He's not on the level of the ACTUAL human-body researchers at the Institute but APPARENTLY SINCE HE'S THE CLOSEST THING THAT COUNTS AS A DOCTOR IN PURGATORY!!!!!! NOT THIS AGAIN!!!!!!!!! ]
[LOWE YOUR SUFFERING if it helps there is dahut but lucien cannot ask him this after dahut asked him if he was injured and he dodged answering because that wasn't why he was calling about dahut's med creds. it would be too embarrassing to go back now.]
Well... hypothetically, if someone was supposed to have stitches in for three months, do you think said stitches would have to be changed at any point before then?
[STOP. i'll be honest i forgot lucien was injured for like a month after the tdm. anyway, it's a deep stab on his arm i think. i say i think because the main game said arm and then the dlc said stomach and THOSE ARE TWO VERY DIFFERENT BODY PARTS? but i said arm in tdm so.
the injury itself is not infected or anything or else lucien probably would've noticed sooner,,, though the stitches have been a borderline lost cause in terms of really doing anything since he reopened the wound on the tdm. dw about it. at least tsukasa helped him back then (tsukasa is presumably not a medical practitioner)]
[ Oh that's me when I forgot exactly how bad Tokinaga's legs were so I had to be like he has a cane and now I think half the game thinks something happened to him the last few days when really he should've been like this from the start. So mood.
BUT HELP NOT THE ARM MIGRATING TO THE STOMACH HOW DO YOU FORGET SO MUCH. Maybe he had appendicitis afterwards.
[lucien probably would've spoken up sooner if he was bleeding all over the place/stressing about having to constantly change bandages (ig he switched to the tried and true mg method of using cloth as a makeshift replacement since he probably had to change the og ones at some point) so yea for convenience we'll say the wound can probably go without stitches*... wahoo
*lucien's lack of regard for not aggravating his injuries aside]
[ Okay makes the careful decision to have the stitches removed so Lucien doesn't permanently gain Frankenstein aesthetic. By the sounds of it it doesn't seem too bad so unless Lucien turns out to be INCREDIBLY sensitive to the pain of stitches removal this probably isn't too bad. Medical professionals don't look at me I've looked at and vaguely studied all sorts of things but the one thing I don't know because I've had zero experience with them are how stitches go. ]
also lucien definitely phrased that in a way so he wasn't lying if he gets injured and decides tokinaga doesn't need to know because in that scenario he also would not be causing tokinaga concern. though with that said, he's not looking to fuck himself up with injuries either so surely it will be fine.]
Oh? And what would stern words from you look like?
[LOOK IT'S FINE he hasn't gotten injured here in weeks since that one time he almost bled out to death as a human sacrifice... if it's serious he won't be reckless with getting medical attention...]
"Dahut and Yuma performed surgery on me and I turned tiny. Apparently Mitsuba was in my stomach for some reason. Then... I was also inside my own stomach...?"
[ Weird.
Anyway,,,, ]
"Don't think about it to spare yourself the headache."
... After we regrouped, Hien seemed to be doing poorly, both physically and mentally, and remained that way for the rest of the journey. And though I didn't recognize the person involved, Sylus had to witness something that was quite upsetting to him.
They are. [...] On my part, I was infected with something, so my main issue was worrying if I would lose my mind or do something to harm the others. Thankfully, that didn't come to pass, although it did affect my judgment in ways that could've hurt us had the others not made better choices.
[a light smile.]
Sylus, as you may have noticed, is the sort who does what he wants, heedless of anyone else's opinion. I'm very grateful for that, looking back.
[Otherwise, it felt like anything that happened to me was the result of my own failing.]
[honestly, even lucien only half-understands what was going on with himself either.]
... I am as well, although I wish I had helped Hien better so that he did not return... like that. [aaaaa] But to have us all return safely despite everything, even if not well, is a blessing in itself.
He most likely has the experience to... better handle it than most, given everything else in his life. Still, I don't imagine that it won't have affected him at all, even if in less direct ways.
I don't really know. They did mention that they had issues with invaders before they found a second chance on the island though so perhaps it was their misguided way of protecting themselves.
[ he was probably in another part of the house, but he does approach lucien's room with a lil knock before letting himself in. he's carrying some fruit in a bowl, a bottle of water, and a notebook before handing the first two to lucien and having a seat to look him over.
[yosuke can let himself in. there is a painting of a cockroach in his room for some reason, while lucien himself is sitting on his bed, idly petting a white cat who also clearly lives here going by the other cat stuff in the room. lucien looks a little pale/feverish, but he's not injured anymore.]
My father once asked Mael to paint the most beautiful subject in the kingdom, and this was his response. [aka it was lucien's item from last week. he did say mael was a weirdo.] I'm quite fond of it myself.
[ this is so funny? he also seems to think this is so funny while he wanders over to drop his offerings on lucien and also look at this painting. after a few minutes, he takes the notebook and scribbles out a note. ]
You know, I think I can respect that. At least the guy's very...himself.
[ he flaps a hand like "yes but that part doesn't matter" because lucien was the one on cyoa. ]
Have I mentioned how much I hate the whole impersonation thing? Because I do, a lot. Still... it must be kinda comforting to have at least one thing you're familiar with here.
A week ago, maybe? I'd been avoiding him lately, but last we spoke, he was going to hole himself up in his room to read the latest entry in his favourite novel series.
The witch took on his form on occasion to use me, which I wasn't aware of until the others informed me. As a result, to ensure I didn't leak any information, it was for the best that I not see him until things were dealt with.
Okay well that sucks. Not that I don't understand, but you probably couldn't even really tell him just in case it wasn't him, huh? I guess I was just wondering if the timing had to do with why he might've been here.
I'm not so careless as to jeopardize everything simply because of my emotions.
[thinks...]
Honestly, I can't see how he might've lost his life, unless he had some kind of freak accident. As far as I know, he never died in any of the previous timelines.
Yes. We were looking for treasure, although we ended up on a detour that took over the rest of our journey. It ended with us drifting in the water, albeit boat-less.
We left an island, later came across another boat with Tokinaga, a woman I didn't recognize, and an ill Rafayel, and decided to accompany them back to the island to try and cure Rafayel. Things... spiraled from there.
... To be frank, we didn't manage to save anyone. If anything, we got everyone with us killed, and barely managed to escape the island ourselves by letting the river take us.
[ i see my text html just failed me entirely whatever it's fine aNYWAY. ]
If it's any consolation, we didn't save anyone it ours either. Not until the very end, and even then they disappeared on us. The river? A different one than the river here, I assume.
Yes, it was just a river on the island. I don't know that it itself had any special properties, but it took us to a lake, where we... sunk into the water. Things ended there.
Weird. There are similarities to some of the other trips, but then there aren't. I thought maybe there would be some pattern but nothing's come up that's concrete.
The most common factors are meddling with memories whether that's outright taking all of them to replace with new ones, or new ones are replacing old over time, and then having to usually deal with tragedies involving people close to you. Either by killing them, watching them die, or killing them and watching them die.
Perhaps not so explicitly, in that I don't think our journey was directly testing that, but there were times where I realized I came close to making a decision I would regret, or that I might make one were I not careful.
Sylus was the one who immediately decided to accompany Tokinaga and the others back to the island. [a smile] He is a much kinder man than I had previously given him credit for.
[we also broke the cyoa because we weren't meant to do this but it's fine.]
Truthfully, I was ashamed that I had initially intended to let them go alone, even if I don't think I was wholly in my right mind, looking back. [sometimes... you really want to find treasure for some reason...] Still, I'm very grateful Sylus was there.
I don't think you can blame yourself too bad. These things are designed to make you question what you know. Especially when you can't tell at the time if the people there are real or not. I'm glad Sylus was there, too. Even if it does sound like a bit of a hassle in the end to regroup.
You never do at first. Either way I'm glad you all made it back in one piece. Safely. Which I know is a choice to say given what happened with Hien but you get the idea.
We should've taken better note of Hien's mental state before departing, so I apologize for that.
[but at least based off his conversation with hien, he doubts that lucien's attempt to, uh, self-sacrifice (which no one else needs to know about) aggravated it even if hien was getting ready to tpk when it was happening.]
... I suppose so. It's regrettable [to put it lightly] that we couldn't prevent Hien from dying, although his wounds had been severe to begin with when we left...
This is gonna sound bad and I know it, but if the wounds were that bad maybe it was better to let it happen and let him fully revive. Then again we don't know the consequences of that.
... In one of the early weeks here, I felt as though I had taken a step away from my goal. It was—unpleasant. We didn't know yet what we were here for, but it felt like it was close to slipping from my fingers.
I'm not sure exactly—only that it felt more distant. [...] I heard a warning then: Before you find what you seek, you must first face yourself. One cannot survive the maze alone.
... And thus I learned not to make the same mistake again.
This place really has been harping on us talking to each other and forming connections. Thorns was cursed a few weeks ago to go around holding hands because of it. The idea of facing yourself doesn't surprise me though.
Considering we don't really have time for being subtle, I can also appreciate it. It just means more time for puzzling out the rest of this stupid stuff, like all of this.
There's always a center to every maze. But MY fear is that we're gonna have to backtrack exactly the way we came. Like... what if there isn't another way out but retracing our steps?
Believe me, nobody hopes I'm more wrong than me, actually. But yeah I do wonder. We keep going deeper and deeper so the idea there's an exit right at the center seems strange.
That's the spirit. And as long as there's no sudden curveball at the end, we can at least be confident we're on the right track. That's about all I can ask for... in addition to you guys getting a lot of rest and healing up.
... I'm not sure? It might just be the physical stress of what happened. Otherwise, I haven't noticed what the river might've taken—I only hope it wasn't a memory.
[he does not care for that, probably for obvious, Saki-shaped reasons.]
... If that is the case, and you've lost your good health for a time, then please rely on me and the others for anything you might need in the meantime.
You don't need to be bedridden for your friends to be concerned on your behalf!
In fact, if you were to push yourself too far when feeling like this, you would be at risk of making it worse. So!! Allow me to assist before it gets to that point!
he's probably going back to his room from hunting hien and tokinaga down except sylus can find him crouched down on the floor as though he's trying to overcome a dizzy spell.]
he doesnβt expect lucien to look like that, and so heβs awkwardlyβ¦ standing there for a second before he drops his voice and speaks a bit more gently. ] Are you hurtingβ¦?
[ rafayel does hold his hand out, as if telling lucien to pause. to maybe not move around so much.
but, at his words, he almost... wants to hit him. lightly, but still. ]
Are you in any position to worry about someone else? It's okay to lean on someone else when you're having a hard time, you know? [ ... and sometimes, it really does seem like lucien is having a hard time. ]
[ those are thoughts that he knows lucien didn't mean to be said.
not out loud at least, and so rafayel forcibly wedges himself under lucien's arm and just stays there, if he does want the help. if not, i guess he gets a half hug. ] ... It doesn't seem that way to me.
but, when rafayel hears lucien back, he realizes... his thought may have been heard, and he can't help but to be a little shy about it. his eyes blink a few times, before he looks off to the side. ]
he already feels his skin crawling, but in spite of that: ]
I'll take you. [ but, he can't help himself from staring at lucien accusingly. Why would you keep a monster in your room? If the other fish knew... but, he's at least putting on the guise of nonchalance. in theory. ]
[ he won't say anything, if just because he doesn't exactly want to publicize his fears (he won't ever admit they're one to begin with). still, he gulps down hard, before turning back to him. ]
If she won't devour us first. [ lol.
but, he is remaining dutifully close as he gestures for lucien to follow along. ]
[ said under his breath, but not nearly as quietly as he thinks.
but, he does end up giving a cautious nod. side stepping, but also... he tries not to trail too far off from lucien. he's still concerned, okay... what if he gets dizzy again? ]
[he still feels like shit, but he steps inside, where rafayel can hear him talking to the cat. he then emerges, holding the cat in his arms, before walking away from rafayel for a bit.
puts her down, a safe distance away from fish man.]
There you go, Lady Anastasia...
[the cat seems to ponder life for a moment before running off. see, rafayel? you're safe........]
Rather than what I had before, I think it was considered to belong to him. He did paint it by the request of my family, though. [a wry smile.] When asked to draw the most beautiful subject in the land, this was his response.
Funny, that sounds like you, no? Except, just a bit less biased. Guess it's true that when you like someone, you start to become a little more like them, or something?
But, seriously... I think you have. As much as I know about you, it seems like you're always trying to help people. That's why I was hoping you'd take care of yourself too.
About as well as can be expected, I think. Some of them left or were taken away so quickly that I haven't been able to speak with them quite yet, so I'll need to do that later. Are you sure you're fine?
[He's just sitting here like WE REALLY GOT THIS HOSPITAL ONLY FOR YOU FUCKS TO BE INJURED SO BAD THAT PEOPLE JUST KEPT SHOVELING YOU ALL INTO THE RIVER!!!]
I've heard the effects from that can be pretty unpleasant, so be careful, okay?
[Him immediately picking up on that implication you stupid self-sacrificing other-people-focused punks.]
There's the hospital, but we don't have the capacity to take on injuries that really have a person on the very brink of death. At this rate, I'm a little afraid that hoping for one would just be asking for trouble, too.
I can't disagree with that! Rather, on a whole, I find it pretty distasteful that we have to endure this and that at the whim of some higher power. Even if we agreed to be here, it's frustrating, don't you think?
[ He puts a fairly large Badtz-Maru in his paws…… then tries to peer over his shoulder. There seem to be a few other things hanging off his wrist, but that can wait. ]
[if he comes in, lucien is sitting on his bed, wearing the kitty hoodie as he pats an actual white cat in his lap. also there is a cockroach painting in his room for some reason.]
[if lucien wasn't a shadow at the time, he'd remember.........]
That's good to hear. ... We all saw what happened with Hien, and though Sylus acts unshakeable, the things that happened on the journey hurt him quite a bit.
Something like that. I did vaguely recall Purgatory, but our memories were altered to give us context for why we were on this journey. I also received some more detailed memories of that life, though after speaking to Hien, it doesn't seem like that was the case for him.
Something like that…? That sounds annoying. Sylus looked pretty worried for the both of you.
[ The cadence more or less suggests that he finds it uncharacteristic behaviour and serves as a quiet opening for Lucien to elaborate, if he wants to. ]
No… I think that's exactly the impression he's going for. In fact, I'd suspect that he'd be happier if you stuck with your first read of him rather than the revised one.
… Yeah. Some people have a tendency to just do that, don't they. [ So dry, but also fond. ] Have you had a chance to talk to him about what you guys went through?
Really? Will you tell me what happened to you, then? [...] Though if you're truly uncomfortable with it, I don't wish to force you to relive your traumas.
[ The fact of the matter is that the worst case scenario literally didn't happen. Things could've gone so much worse, but they didn't, and that alone is what buoys him back to the surface. ]
I'll talk even if you don't feel comfortable sharing your own. I do wonder what's going to happen now that most of us have gone through the experience.
On the expedition, we watched everyone die except ourselves. The journey was a fool's errand from the start, but we had to choose to either give in to our anger or keep enduring.
If it weren't for everyone else, I would've likely walked down a different path.
I lived an entire life only to learn that people had been giving up their lives for nothing. Friends, family, acquaintances. It didn't and still doesn't matter to me what the village's reasons were for keeping everyone in the dark. [ … ] A few more years of this, and the entire village would've died out.
[ There is a reason why, despite all that he's willing to do for other people, he doesn't truly consider himself kind. And it's this. ]
They are very kind. But even if this wasn't it, I think most people have lines they would consider unforgivable. It's not strange that this happened to be yours.
[if hak comes in, lucien is just sitting on his bed, looking a little light-headed and petting a white cat. also there is a painting of a cockroach in his room for some reason.]
hak comes in with fucking nothing because he's horrible but he does at least look appropriately somber, although that changes to confusin when he sees the cockroach (??????). ]
Hien? We were separated for a while and didn't have the time to talk afterwards, so I don't quite know. But he was in a poor state, both physically and mentally, when we regrouped.
Huh? Well, there's not much to say, to be honest. I spent a large part of the time worrying about being infected with some sort of affliction, and if it would lead me to harm the others.
[MAYBE BUT IF HE DOESN'T HAVE TO ACTUALLY SEE LUCIEN MAYBE HE WON'T WORRY]
My injuries were healed, and they weren't that bad. [he had two sword holes in him including in a place that did kill him in canon but, like, compared to hien.] I'm just feeling a bit weak since leaving the river.
[Just slowly ambling along with him, making sure he does not keel over again. SIR.]
He'd just kick me out even if I wanted to stick around.
[Especially for sweet Fia. He's attached but not so badly that he can't just fuck off and do other things for a while as long as Tokinaga's stupid ass is alive about it.]
A different cult. It was an island, and the people there also turned out to be some sort of... hivemind infection? But any traveler who refused to join them, they killed.
We left the island at first, mostly unaware of what was going on, but then we came across a boat with a woman I didn't recognize, Rafayel, and... Tokinaga. Rafayel was ill, and we believed it originated from the island.
So we returned with them to try and cure Rafayel, which is when—essentially as you put it.
[WOULD YOU ALL STOP TAKING HIS BLORBO ON DANGEROUS ADVENTURES. His head cants to the side a bit.]
So... Fake Rafayel and fake Tokinaga and some fake other lady, right? You guys really went back to that island full of people who definitely wanted to kill you, huh.
We didn't know at the time that they wanted to kill us. We had an inkling something was wrong there, since I'd seen traces of the contamination, and they did for some reason think we were thieves and thus were quite angry with us when we left the first time, but we had no reason yet to think they were some sort of cult.
[*sylus and hien did in fact steal stuff and lied to lucien about it]
[THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY HELP. THEY REALLY LET LUCIEN DIE LIKE THIS.]
Oh. Makes more sense, then. Kind of. It's still pretty stupid to go back to a place where you left on that kind of a bad note, but finding help in the ocean's rough for people.
[Have you all considered evolving into bigger things that can handle water better.]
Tokinaga and the woman were going there regardless, to save Rafayel. [... a momentary look of guilt.] It would have been callous to leave them be and continue on our journey.
[this does not make him feel even remotely better, even if rationally he is kind of aware that his judgment was influenced by a bizarre obsession with treasure/his destination and also the cyoa runner never intended for us to go with these npcs. we really broke this cyoa by sylus being het.]
It is not unusual, but that does not make it right. In any case, as said, they were essentially as real to us as we were to each other.
... Tokinaga became, or was already, infected and died. [he doesn't know if obikawa is the vengeful sort so he won't mention who killed him.] Likewise, Rafayel's health improved, but only in the sense that the infection properly awakened in him, and he killed his remaining companion.
He came to his senses afterwards, but the townspeople got a hold of him and likely killed him as well.
[there's the look of guilt again of someone wondering if he could've done something to prevent rafayel's death...]
[Fortunately he is not so insane in that particular flavor of insanity that he'd kill someone out of revenge for killing a fake Tokinaga but it is not an unwise idea to just leave it like this.]
So all three of them died in the end. Kind of sounds like what these places are like in general? Making choices that aren't really choices and everything leading to whatever's the worst outcome.
[Taps the heel of his palm opposite the thumb so there's not a lot of risk of the skin stretching with all the fingie movements people typically do. If he's given the greenlight, his fingie just becomes sharp and stabby and he can use the tip of that to leave a lil cut.]
While I was hearing voices, I'm still not clear on what end goal they were driving me towards. Hien, however, seemed to have an obsession with the water, although I don't know if it was the same infection or something else.
lucien is walking around even though he probably shouldn't, since despite having dressed up for the cold, his newly returned sickly maiden era doesn't like it. at the same time, this kind of scenery is so rare for him that he wants to look around.......
when he spots tokinaga, though, he pauses, not sure if he should interrupt this quiet moment.]
[ He's just also bundled up... mostly on his legs, we gotta stay warm here folks. It doesn't seem like traumatic reminiscence at least, just hanging out and taking in a bit of nature. Taking a break... ]
[tokinaga your leggies. lucien is actually getting concerned about the wheelchair the more he thinks about it, because TOKINAGA IS YOUR CONDITION GETTING WORSE??? well, that's not really a surprise, considering he came back from cyoa which can't have helped.
stands here continuing to debate if he wants to make himself seen or let tokinaga have his moment of peace...]
... Unfortunately. It's not of any real alarm, though—Tsukasa suspects that the river took away my present health to return to my state as a child, and I'm inclined to think he's right.
[i was typing out the memory that was unfortunately getting longer than expected so it was also oh shit trims
also he realizes belatedly he wasn't supposed to admit to having been in the river but at this point there's no way tokinaga wasn't told about the other cyoa, so. moves on.]
I spent all of yesterday in my room. [besides checking on tokinaga and hien.] I got tired of it.
[STOP IT'S NOT THAT BAD LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS it was just very funny between their convos about not getting used to death + why would you just trust people and now after asking lucien to take care of himself........
but waho a scene plays out on the ice:
in which lucien doesn't drop dead early in a route for once (cw: survivor guilt-esque suicidal thoughts) At the Carnival, out of the Sacrificia, the Membrum suspects—Lucien, Conrad, Anastasia, Crius Castlerock, and Maya Kirkland—the last one is voted for and cast to the flames for the murder committed the previous night. Everyone is teleported back to where they were when the night began, with Lucien back in his quarters. His hands go up to the chains around his neck, marking his status as a Sacrificium and confirming that the Carnivals will continue as the Membrum remains.
The grief and guilt on his face are clear, over sentencing an innocent woman to death. He looks as though he's about to throw up as he stumbles to his bed.
-
It is that same night as he hears voices and footsteps approaching—someone has slipped into his chambers. Lucien throws a knife at the man, who dodges.
It's Crius Castlerock, one of his fellow Sacrificia. Lucien accuses him of being the Membrum come to kill him, which Castlerock denies. Then, Tyril Lister, the inquisitor and Facilitator who oversees the Carnival by the witch's will, appears as well.
"We are here to protect you from Miss Red," Lister says.
"Even now, you suspect her!?"
"... And you still choose to believe in her innocence?" Castlerock replies.
"Of course I do!"
Castlerock clearly isn't happy to hear that, as he continues. He explains how the Membrum's victory condition is to remain the last Sacrificia standing, which means that the easiest way to win would be to just kill all the other Sacrificia during the night. As a result, he fears that Lucien may be Anastasia's target, and though he doesn't know how well he and Lister can fend off the witch-induced sleep, he asks for Lucien's permission to guard him tonight.
Conflict strikes Lucien's face for a moment, before he adamantly refuses. He accuses Castlerock of being the one to behave suspiciously, possibly at the witch's behest, and insists that Anastasia's pain and grief at the trial was genuine and that she would never come to kill him.
"I'll agree with that, at least," says Lister. "From Miss Red's perspective, she gains nothing from killing the idiotic prince that so foolishly believes in her still."
A pause, and then: "If she'd kill anyone, Cas... it'd be you."
Castlerock smiles, seeming unbothered. "Yeah, I figured."
Meanwhile, Lucien stares, apparently horrified at how flippantly the two speak of this matter, of people's lives.
-
Morning comes, and the first thing Lucien does is check on Castlerock's status. Despite their argument the night before, Lucien is genuinely relieved to hear that he's still alive and safe—though it then turns to shock when he receives news of Conrad's death instead.
He thinks of how Lister had asked about his brother's whereabouts last night, and he begins to wonder: did Lister ask so that he could protect Conrad, or to kill him?
(... Ahh, but I do dislike doubting people.
But thanks to my brother's death, we now only need to suffer the trial a maximum of two more times, as opposed to three.
—Thanks to his death...? I'm a monster for thinking so positively about the loss of a human life.
But... if one more person dies...
Ah...! What am I even considering?)
-
At the next trial, Lucien dominates, proving himself every bit the image of a prince and orator. He and Anastasia join forces to indict Castlerock as the Membrum.
Yet, when it becomes clear that they've succeeded, and Castlerock accepts his impending death—Lucien does not look triumphant, but the opposite, with his mask of steady strength cracking. And when Castlerock falls to the flames, he watches in devastation.
-
As the Carnival fades, Lucien is once again returned to his chambers. His hand goes up to the chains that remain around his neck.
...
In the dead of the night, he heads to the church, where he offers up a prayer to the Goddess for Castlerock's soul. Despite everything, he doesn't seem shocked.
(Maybe there never really was a Membrum. Maybe everyone person standing on trial is a human, and we're all dancing to the witch's lies.
That must be it! We've all fallen for the witch's deceit! And if that's true...!
... Or even if it isn't true...
I should have been the one to die.)
...
well, lucien was already looking a bit pale, but now he's even more so.]
He's seen this song and dance a few too many times. He should be able to close his eyes and ignore it, be polite for the sake of those whose memories he's prying into, but it happens in a strange flash, like he'd seen it all for himself, and whatever plays under the depths of the ice is just a recap of it all.
Either way, there's no avoiding it, nor hiding what he'd just seen.
[ He goes quiet, though it's evident he's very much mulling over something he wants to say or ask and is just debating whether it'd be appropriate... ]
[i just realized that with the part i cut out from the memory it makes less sense what it has to do with greed/charity so for any mods who might look in here please know it made more sense originally
anyway, he thinks.]
The Carnival, specifically? The witch didn't appear in our first lives, so... [mentally counts] One where Orla was the Membrum, then Sammy, then Lady Anastasia...
Depending on if we count the case with myself [given he, you know. drowned himself before killing anyone], then Lady Anastasia has lived through three timelines where the witch held Carnivals.
Each trial is one hour. [the witch really said SPEEDRUN.] We know the witch is making his move when the skies change, though the Carnivals only start once his chosen Membrum actually kills someone.
[more :thonk:]
Lady Orla—my cousin—was the Membrum in one life. The way Lady Anastasia spoke of it, it sounds as though she was caught after her first murder, though that's incongruent with the memory I've seen here...
Sammy, however, was definitely caught in the first Carnival—Lady Anastasia spoke in detail of his fate at trial, as the only time the witch intervened and took a life directly.
[a little frown at that, but.]
... And then, in the life where Lady Anastasia was the Membrum—well, you have seen what happened then, and how many rounds that took.
[he supposes that they didn't see how it ended, only that it was down to lucien and anastasia as the last two sacrificia, but lucien has his suspicions.]
From my understanding, at least, the witch doesn't typically appoint another Membrum once the first is dealt with.
—Ah, pardon. I do have to correct myself. There was a second Membrum after Sammy in that timeline [this was me jan forgetting about this], so four Carnivals altogether, though that wouldn't have anything to do with the inconsistency.
Rather, the issue is that in what I've seen here, Lady Orla wasn't caught—because Lady Anastasia was about to be voted for by the jurors, so I declared myself the Membrum to be executed in her place.
[says that bluntly.]
Though given that Lady Anastasia immediately caught onto what I was doing, and I doubt that Mael, who was also a Sacrificium in that trial, would've simply believed me either... perhaps they got the trial extended somehow? It sounds unusual, but if anyone could make it happen, it would be Lady Anastasia.
[ Obviously voicing his dislike of such a thing now doesn't really do anything, but you know. Can't help himself. Not like he doesn't understand! Doesn't mean he has to like it when somebody else does. Nobody said he couldn't be hypocritical on top of comically salty. I really thought it'd be strictly limited to Anastasia's LIs though, this game really is more YTTD than otome help me. ]
Do you think... you were close to figuring out how to break free?
[meanwhile lucien is just like oh thank the goddess that at least one of my deaths was useful to anastasia, versus the time i apparently died trying to save her and it was used to fuck her over instead.
...
he takes a moment to lowkey breathe in and out, trying to compartmentalize his emotions, between the memory he witnessed that he has decided he will unpack later (or maybe not at all, because what is there to unpack, really) and tokinaga's question, so as to avoid getting worked up and accidentally summoning a fever.]
We did figure out how to proceed, and I came up with a plan.
You know, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to think about either.
[ Just want to make sure he knows. The last thing he wants is for Lucien to get sick or upset because... what, to answer a few random questions of his curiosity? ]
[it's nothing that he doesn't think about constantly here anyway.]
There is no magic or anything like that that can stop the witch. But his magic isn't omnipotent either—a person becomes a Membrum only because when he calls, something in their heart answers them.
Crius Castlerock, for instance, never killed once even after becoming a Membrum, because his will was stronger than the witch's.
[between his own experiences and witnessing the memory just now, where crius was basically right about everything ever while lucien otoh has the worst judgment, lucien is convinced that crius is one of the greatest people in the world, actually?]
So the solution is to give the people a reason to reject him. To reveal that contrary to popular belief, he doesn't provide them with any special power, and is nothing more than a stranger to their ear suggesting that they kill. [...] If they realize that, and can truly bring themselves to believe that becoming a Membrum will only result in tragedy and their own death, then they have no reason to accept his contract.
Of course, people already know rationally not to give into temptation, so we needed to go further.
The plan was for me to give an imperial decree, as those are done so rarely that the people know it to be important. Ideally, Father would've done so, but we knew he would refuse, and thus it fell on me. [when your father reliably sucks so that you can plan based on it...] Even Lister came around to it, and he accused me of having unripe bananas in my head at first.
But as he said, we need three things: credibility, folklore, and impact. We had all three covered with the finer details, thanks to him and Zenn.
[there is an elephant in the room here but anyhow.]
[tyril started being so mean to lucien the moment they learned [redacted] but (anastasia voice) it's probably okay since lucien doesn't seem to mind
...
there is something bitter, if guilty, in lucien's smile, but he's not going to point out the glaring issue if it hasn't occurred to tokinaga, given that it'll only make tokinaga feel bad.]
The four of them—Lady Anastasia, Crius, Lister, and Zenn—are some of the most reliable people I know. [...] Lady Anastasia wasn't able to work with everyone altogether in her previous lives, so may that be her greatest strength from now on.
[lucien is at least pretty sure the witch wouldn't bother with making anastasia a membrum again considering it didn't lead the witch any closer to victory the last time he did that (and also, unlike him, she'd probably be able to resist this time around), so the sole problem really is lucien himself, because nothing says "you are the one and complete failure in this operation" than becoming a membrum the night before your anti-membrum speech, so maybe they should find someone less pathetic to do it? somehow?]
Indeed. They're good people. [and despite lucien's own failings—] And even if it may seem naive, I do genuinely believe in the people's strength, when it comes down to it.
[ Can you stop, you just need to wait until your friendship speech route...
He's quiet again while he stares out at the icy flats of the lake surface. It's not thoughtshare week anymore... he's free to think whatever he wants... ]
I hope you find out what this witch's deal is with your kingdom's history.
[unfortunately lucien has accepted there is a real possibility anastasia might rewind time if they can't figure out a replacement for him (the idea that she might rewind time because she doesn't want lucien being dead, personally, does not occur to him) even though he really doesn't want her to use that ability again.]
... As do I. [...] It might sound strange, but a part of me was thinking... if everything could be settled [if lucien can safely come back to life], that I might ask the witch what happened. Not just to understand why he hates us, but...
[has the witch been ruining their lives repeatedly? sure, but—]
Father burned every piece of rare historical text, in the name of some kind of conspiracy. If Ish—the witch—is the only being left in the world who knows the full and true history, then I want to leave behind a record of it.
Then that's all the more reason to know. [says that firmly.] I'm not so naive as to think that, if it truly is something that will shake the world, I could simply reveal it at once to the populace in my lifetime. But we have to start somewhere.
Tokinaga, I get the feeling you're thinking about something besides my circumstances. [which is fine, because honestly, lucien wonders if tokinaga isn't sick of hearing about lucien's problems all the fckin time, but—] May I ask if that's the case?
[also if you ever want to give a mem back feel free I'M SORRY TOKINAGA HAS JUST HAD TO REPEATEDLY LEARN MORE ABOUT TIME LOOPS THAN HE EVER WANTED. i can also interrupt with a stupid memory any time.]
[ I was about to ask you in my next tag if you wanted a mem funnily enough
So sure, he's just staring off into the ice and...
A young Tokinaga, about fifteen or so, has already decided where he needs to be in his future. He studies for years and years and years, and he's accepted at the age of 24, into the Meteorology Division. He arranges to have a personal meeting with the head of department. There, he tells him everything -- of the true origin of the IPOs, and the demon responsible behind it all. You had all your evidence lined up, having had nine years to organise it all, and you made sure they were in an order that made the most sense, was the easiest to follow.
He soon finds his coworkers has become distant from him, and he's thereafter removed from the team. His head of department approaches him not much longer after that and explains how they cannot have him working here, and to put it lightly, pressures him to quit. He silently walks back to his bare desk, and the reality of what just happened sinks in.
'......I screwed up...! I have to go back... to my first day...!'
Back then, his bruises only came up just to his ankles. This time, when he speaks to his head of department, he avoids mentioning Nisroca at all. This time, he mentions that the sea soil samples retrieved by an investigation team in 1990 may have a connection with the appearance of IPOs. He posits it purely as hypothesis and theory, so they don't question his mental state again.
But he's a member of the IPO Invasion Prediction Department of the Meteorology Division. This is above anyone's paygrade here. They're already busy as-is, so if Tokinaga wants to work on anything else, he's instructed to pursue it as a personal side project.
Two years later. They'd never followed up on his warnings, he's not heard a word. He should be getting for work already, but he can't bring himself to do it. He remains in bed, haggard in appearance and worn down. His psyche's been crushed by the persistent tension and unease brought on by his need to try to change things, to save people -- but nobody had listened. He's stopped liking people, and feels so utterly alone.
'Nobody even wants to listen. Even though so many people are going to die if they don't...'
Then, a voice beside him cheerily yips.
"Tokinaga! Good morning! You're going to be late for work!"
There's some... creature beside him. Even through the haze of memory, its form is a little unclear to Lucien's perception, but it appears as some sort of amalgamation of features -- an eyeless sharp maw with antler-like horns, birds' wings and feet, and a snake-like tail.
"Everyone's going to die anyway," he replies dully, face buried in his pillow. The creature lays there on its back, feetsies up in the air, though its ears fall. It's hard to read, but maybe it's in thought.
"......Tokinaga, you're... so sensitive to the suffering of others, but you undervalue your own far too much." Then, with a renewed cheer, it shouts -- "That's why I like you, Tokinaga! You're so kind!"
Something about that kicks Tokinaga back into focus, slowly sitting up. There's a mild horror to his face as he realises how far he'd fallen.
"......You're... right. I... I used to have a human heart. That's why I wanted to help others to begin with. I'd stopped believing in anybody -- I almost just lost myself."
Ah. He can't let that happen. Ever. The creature uprights itself, ears perked back up again.
"Tokinaga's back to normal! Hooray!"
The Tokinaga in the memory looks back, managing a slight smile once more.
The Tokinaga in present watches that play out with a complicated expression. ]
You don't need to be. In retrospect, I should've been smarter about it to begin with. Who would believe a brand-new recruit's far-fetched hypothesis in an entirely different field?
Even if you were new, this was a matter of utmost importance, was it not? If they weren't making progress, then surely it would've been worth exploring any and all leads!
It was the IPO Invasion Prediction Department. They had their hands full already trying to monitor the movement and activity of IPOs as it was. It was my mistake for choosing that department to begin with.
If they were too busy to direct you to the proper department, when you had a hypothesis that could help, then that sounds like a failing of the organization.
this is so hard, actually, even as someone who thinks himself to be fairly open. but he's aware that if he doesn't answer, then tokinaga won't, and then he'll lose his chance and tokinaga will never open up again and also this road ends with tokinaga hating him, somehow,]
To "deserve better", that implies some sort of standard to be met, some unconditional affection that should be given, but... [a light frown.] I don't doubt that my mother cared about me, but I suspect she wouldn't have had me if she had the choice, and my father only liked me as a weak and pathetic "pet" he could dote on. My siblings hate or ignore me for being half-commoner.
[...]
You said it was brave to aim for the throne even if it meant attempts on my life, but it's the other way around. The only way I was going to survive was if I gained allies, and to do that, I had to be useful enough for my existence to have "value" to others.
... So rather than deserve better, I have had it impressed on me all my life that I don't deserve anything in the first place—not unless I have earned it.
Two things can be true, you know. You can have made the decision out of necessity, and still be brave to do it.
And it feels like you've done a lot to earn it, from my eyes. As a person that doesn't know anything much at all about royal tensions and having to play crowds that way, anyway. I don't have any bias for that.
the look of someone who feels like tokinaga is just saying this to be nice/placate him, but it's not like he can just accuse him of that without being an asshole, so.]
[ He can't really recall which one Lucien's talking about or what so far everyone and anyone knows about his life when he's so actually rather private about it. He already has a lot he's usually thinking about. ]
...It's not fair when people who still have a future die, while I just... get to keep watching from the sidelines.
[lucien's mind scrambling like oh goddess did it feel like i was flaunting the fact that someone undid my deaths to him??? WAS I RUBBING IT IN HIS SURVIVOR GUILT-RIDDEN FACE???]
[I DON'T LIKE FUNNIER but lucien will assume he was in fact rubbing his deaths/undos in tokinaga's face out of lack of awareness for whatever this funnier thing is. makes mental note never to mention this again.
[thinks about how obikawa was telling lucien about his hangouts with tokinaga and lucien was internally like i cannot picture this because all i ever do with tokinaga is have depressing conversations with him
anyway.]
... I know I'm not in any position to say anything, but I hope you find the path that will let you get what you want, without sacrificing too much of your ability to be happy.
[he won't say happiness, because tokinaga clearly isn't happy right now to begin with, so this is a wish for his future.]
[ He punks your ass sometimes and you just get sad about it :(
My god you don't know the half of it when it comes to happiness truly the kind that wraps around to also being funny. What's he doing. His happiest moments were with Obikawa (past tense)...... ]
It was already lucky enough that the incident with Obikawa didn't end up a lot worse like it could have. I should count my blessings, I know.
[ He just... has an incredibly difficult time trying to justify the positives when the negatives are like, well, people fuckin' died. ]
... I know in practice, there's nothing I can do, but if there is ever anything—even anything that could make things a bit easier for you here—please, let me know.
[he says this knowing tokinaga won't, and maybe it's hypocritical coming from someone who's in a state of "wait and see" for himself, but.]
You may not believe you deserve better, but... again, I truly hope that you get what you want, without it being entirely at your expense as well.
he can't judge tokinaga's bracket meta, given that his own approach to his duties, but still. there is once again the silent look of someone who isn't sure how much of that is a sincere answer, and how much of it is a deflection.]
[ Wandering the halls of Purrfect Penance is a tiny triangle shaped child... obviously Siffrin with the fitted cloak, though the hat a bit too big. Except they have two eyes and incredibly fully white fluffy hair...
They crouch a little and stare at a group of cats. Sparkly-eyed and curious. ]
Lucien-kun! Why the gifts all of a sudden? They look really nice. Thank you very much. Don't worry about having come into my room, it's totally fine. Now I know why Obikawa suddenly started asking at least.
I'll make sure Obikawa tells you his thanks. I let him know but he's just taking weird pictures and sending weird texts. I think he's running but I don't know what he's doing right now.
At some point if Lucien wanders around back to the ski lodge ice rink zone, he can find Tokinaga back around there... standing on his own two feet! And eyepatchless! And bruiseless! Weird. Though it's not like it looks like he's exactly vibing out here either. ]
[ Turning to look at this... kid... He has two eyes, whoa. His usually-missing eye is a brighter colour, almost amber-like, though the more prominent feature is probably the pupil that's split into three parts. ]
[man unrepentantly lying is easier when he's doing it with people whose situation he knows]
Ah—apologies, my name is Lucien. I'm an acquaintance of your niece, and your family knew I was in the area, so they reached out to me. I'll admit, they didn't fully explain the circumstances to me.
... If you lost track, then you may be lost. Do you mind if I accompany you for a bit? And then you can decide if this is in fact the place you meant to reach.
[a nod, as he approaches tokinaga more closely so that he can walk alongside him... tries not to look at his funky eye and make it seem like he's staring.]
...Both... I guess. Something happened, and it'd just gotten worse and worse until I just... couldn't go anymore. So, I quit and went back home to my parents'.
... If you want to vent to the unjudging ear of a stranger, I'd be happy to listen. Though of course, I won't press, and feel free to say if my questions are making you uncomfortable.
[he looks to the sky, holding his hand out briefly to catch a drifting snowflake.]
Either way, I really do hope you can find some measure of peace here.
How did you say you knew me again? Through my niece...? Which side? I guess it doesn't matter that much. You're... a tutor...? English?... She's probably too young to be learning English yet, huh. How?
Ah, apologies—I may have misspoke earlier. I have a younger sibling, you see, who I help look after when I'm home, and who plays with her on occasion. I met her and her family that way.
[continues lying with such a straight face that might be surprising to someone with memories of lucien considering that he's usually honest.]
[lucien already knows that there is probably no advice tokinaga can give that he can use, but he listens to see if tokinaga is going to say anything else anyway for fun.]
[just :man_standing: because he can't follow any of this advice. luckily he only asked to avoid having to talk more about why he's on this alleged trip, in which case he'd either have to lie or vomit disguised truths to a tokinaga who might remember later...]
[he lets the silence continue for a bit as they walk, since he does feel bad that he interrupted tokinaga's solo contemplative time. lets him gather his thoughts for now...]
Yes, it does tend to sound quite arrogant if you speak of your own virtues. Though I do also believe people should be confident in what they're good at.
I just couldn't do it anymore. Weird, right. I'd still been going to work despite everything... then one morning, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
I think that's normal. Sometimes, you have to repress everything just to get through the day, but all those things are still being kept somewhere in the back of your mind.
[ It's Rugname all I know is that it's a foreign country and presumably allies with the UK or is a part of the UK??? So basically I might cry depending ]
It's a doctorate so it'd be the same thing as my masters.
[ I'm truly sorry Lucien is constantly bombarded by things like Saga and Doctorates and he is simply left to drown because this Tokinaga doesn't know about jamjars. At the least he doesn't sound even remotely judgmental. ]
[ The face of someone who is like I'm pretty sure I know my Earth geography but he doesn't want to come off as some pretentious asshole because geography was not his actual field of study. ]
[admittedly lucien is just internally making himself depressed again when he thinks about how anastasia implied that he's not suited for travel, but anyway.]
Yeah, a program where you get to go abroad for study? Some universities have something like that. I wanted to go to Rugname but scheduling didn't totally work out for me.
he lets it slide since he doesn't think pursuing the subject is helpful, but he doesn't want to let things fall into silence if tokinaga doesn't want to think, so. random questions time!]
[ Maybe something to think about later. Is Lucien really just following him around because he really has absolutely no goal and no direction, he is simply Wandering. ]
[unless tokinaga seems like he wants him to leave, then yes... i guess disclaimer he has no stamina right now so he will probably tire first from the walking.]
math lady meme of if he says he's tired, will tokinaga just ditch him? like, lucien supposes he's free to and wouldn't care under normal circumstances, but he feels like tokinaga should be supervised while in this state so to speak?]
[a moment of awkwardness as he has no idea how to explain the shadows, but if tokinaga's not bringing them up, he sure won't. suspects that maybe tokinaga just sees things and will chalk this up to that.]
[ It's really just the kind of spacing out where you just kind of zone out and try to discern something weird about what you're looking at, like watching a fan spin and trying to see the blades in it, that energy. Though he does blink once or twice and look away bc staring at fireplace fire does kind of leave light spots in your vision. ]
SEND THIS TO π OF YOUR BADDEST SINNERS ππΌππΎ IF YOU GET 0οΈβ£ BACK, YOU'RE UP NEXT FOR THE CAGE ππ«! IF YOU GET π BACK YOU BETTER BE READY FOR PAPΓ NOEL'S HOT β¨οΈ CARAJILLO βοΈ
LOVE β€οΈ YOU, YOU SLEIGH-RIDINGπ ELF-ASS SINNER! π MAY YOUR HOLIDAYS NEVER β BE BASIC! TURN UP π AND HAVE A VERY LIT π₯CHRISTMAS! ππ
Merry fucking Christmas you ho-ho-ho! May your days be merry and bright and your cookies never run out! I thank the Icefield Messenger for putting you on his "Nice" list, even though we know you're a bit "Naughty" sometimes. You are the most perfectly gift-wrapped disaster this holiday season has ever seen! Now go get yourself some eggnog, crank up that alive until sunset, and make it a season to slay! You deserve a holiday full of presents, good vibes, and all the [ TEXT HAS BEEN REDACTED ] you can handle!
Send this to of your baddest sinners! If you get 0 back, you're up next for the cage! If you get 10 back you better be ready for PapΓ‘ Noel's hot carajillo!
Love you, you sleigh-riding elf-ass sinner! May your holidays never be basic! Turn up and have a very lit Christmas!
SEND THIS TO π OF YOUR BADDEST SINNERS ππΌππΎ IF YOU GET 0οΈβ£ BACK, YOU'RE UP NEXT FOR THE CAGE ππ«! IF YOU GET π BACK YOU BETTER BE READY FOR PAPΓ NOEL'S HOT β¨οΈ CARAJILLO βοΈ
LOVE β€οΈ YOU, YOU SLEIGH-RIDINGπ ELF-ASS SINNER! π MAY YOUR HOLIDAYS NEVER β BE BASIC! TURN UP π AND HAVE A VERY LIT π₯CHRISTMAS! ππ
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beats u up give me a thread
How are you feeling?
:pleading:
... I am fine. You needn't worry.
explodes you
she holds out a glass of water to him with a pleasant expression on her face,]
Please drink this.
WOW
... If I may be so bold, the way you're behaving almost makes me wonder if the water is tampered with.
[this is mostly a joke, he probably does not think reirin is trying to poison him? takes the water...]
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Rest assured, I would never let my fury harm you in such a way. You must recover, so that we may speak at length.
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[but he drinks!!]
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Have you ever placed your arm around someone's head?
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No.
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[...]
I apologize.... [WHY?]
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Er, what for?
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[why....]
But I do not want to do something that would remind you of such an experience...
[of being KILLED since apparently lucien DIES all the time]
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Also, why were you going to restrain me?
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It is difficult to explain this overwhelming urge... Perhaps it is due to the pallor of your face? It reminds me of what you did in the chapel.
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suddenly grabs her arm (weakly because he's suffering from blood loss). and then looks startled with himself like why did he do that????]
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about to do the iconic yuel and white tag where she shakes off his hand except wait]
Lucien...
...Are you also upset with me?
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[LETS GO]
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reaches over to take his zombie arm, feels his pulse]
Perhaps it was an effect of some kind...
[she doesn't actually think lucien is secretly murderous... or upset with her because she didn't do anything WRONG]
How does your hand feel?
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[which is worrying, because it uncomfortably reminds him of when he became a short-lived membrum.]
Perhaps this is the side effect Lady Medea wondered that I'd have.
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So it is a consequence of our choices... That does make sense.
[lucien chose hand hook car door...]
Shall I tie your hands together? Just for now?
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That may be for the best...
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[ties him up like a present... jk she just ties his hands together. a nice firm knot for bondage.]
How is that, Lucien? I don't want to cut off your circulation, especially after you lost so much blood...
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action
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Thorns? Did something happen?
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[WORRY]
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There is a falcon...
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[NENE?????]
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[ where are you.... nene.... ]
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[ this damn bird ]
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[ so
this is what he means by he was useless ]
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Nene!
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This was much easier when this place was smaller.
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Is there anyone she's fond of whom she might've gone to visit?
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[ like
everyone spoils nene ]
Perhaps places with food?
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The IHOP, perhaps?
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[ away to ihop... ]
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w4 action;
Hewwo ]
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though he looks up when tokinaga enters during his checkups because once again TOKINAGA IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD AND WE DON'T DESERVE HIM.]
Ah—Tokinaga?
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Oh -- Lucien-kun?
[ HE DEFINITELY SEEMS SURPRISED TO SEE HIM IN HERE OF ALL PLACES but... ]
Are you alright? You don't look too hot.
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You needn't worry. It's just a mild fever, and it'll pass soon enough.
[but he ducked in here to rest for a bit...]
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A fever? Out here?
[ ??? ]
You should be in bed! Not this one, um.
[ For reasons that he is not going to explain unprompted. ]
How are you feeling? I can get you some water if you need a minute before we see about heading back?
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Really, you don't need to be concerned! [waves a frantic hand.] It is almost certainly psychogenic in nature, I have them often.
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Psychogenic fevers? Stress-induced? Still, some physical relief could help ease it off.
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[once again it feels awkward to bring up his childhood frailty knowing now that tokinaga has a FATAL CONGENITAL DISEASE but yeah... while he's long past the point where people thought one bad illness would kill him as a kid, some chronic conditions you just gotta live with forever nbd. so tokinaga's fussing is actually kind of surprising? when he and people around him got used to it?]
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That's all stress of certain type, but that confirms it. Not being in your best shape physically makes the onset more likely.
[ Me double-checking the description of Luxuria so I can make a judgment call on whether they'd have a water cooler and signs are pointing to yes because it's so lavish here. Stay right there Lucien as he hobbles off to get him a cup of woter, get hydrated idiot. ]
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You really don't need to...
[AAAAAAAAAA HE'S BEING A BURDEN ON TOKINAGA presses his head into his hands while tokinaga is gone.]
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[ Here, hands him his drank. ]
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[takes drank :pensive: ]
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but the good news is that tokinaga doesn't have to wonder for long because oops memory playing on the window now.
cw: suicide, heterosexuality
The night before you're due to give your speech to the populace to warn them against the witch, you finally visit Anastasia. It is bittersweet to see her, truthfully. You are always happy to, but you can feel the distance between the two of you, no longer the childhood friends you once were. All you have wanted is for her to see you as a trusted ally, the way she does for the other three (the others, who were there for her when she needed them the most, while you were treated as a stranger and left in the dark).
... In the end, you choose self-control (3:46 - 10:55). sorry lowe i lied it's 7 minutes.
............]
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There's a severe sort of rollercoaster Tokinaga feels here for a number of reasons, starting with the word -- witch. A glance that he can't help but throw back when the violent thoughts flow in, something he feels bad about the moment Lucien's true feelings push back against them. ]
...Did you throw yourself into water?
[ I can't tell if it's a lake off the side of the castle or something from this video though I presume as much. The question is sort of there -- did he wake up here after that? ]
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anyhow, lucien just stares for a few moments, as various things hit him.
one, he respects tokinaga a lot, so it's doubly humiliating to have the man see lucien at his most pathetic.
two, he kind of gathered that drowning means something to tokinaga based off that playacting experience, so he's appalled that tokinaga had to witness his memory about, well, drowning.
three, tokinaga also has thoughts on dying (such as not wanting to), so it seems pretty insensitive to show him a memory of someone taking his own life?
which is to say, lucien is horrified, guilt quickly seeping in, to the extent that he ignores tokinaga's question. he'd rise from the bed, but he's still holding this drink and only its presence in his hand is grounding him because he's too polite to just toss it in his emotions.]
M-My apologies that you had to witness that!
[internally screams.]
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Wait wait, it's fine! Stay calm!
[ Also internally screaming. Just two nice guys trying to out-nice each other through the trauma. ]
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but he freezes.]
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...Are you okay?
[ ...Points subtly at Lucien's water in his hand... ]
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I-I'm fine.
[
drinks the water? is that what tokinaga is telling him to do?]
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He nods short but approvingly at Lucien drinking water. ]
Breathe, alright?
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[so, you know, it's fine. not actually traumatized by the act of taking his own life.]
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cw: cannibalism
[lucien really doesn't have much in the way of secrets except for when it's embarrassing or shameful. like naming his cat after his crush. or getting fucked over by a witch. coincidentally tokinaga knows both now.]
The witch selects someone to be a Membrum, preying on their fears and desire to implant the impulse to kill, and eradicating their ability to differentiate between right or wrong.
To give an example, I have been told that in a previous timeline [which is another can of worms, depending on how much tokinaga wants to know] a young friend of mine killed me to harvest my organs. Following other cultures' folklore about food, he believed that if he ate me, he would essentially become me, and thus be able to improve his station. From what I heard, he sincerely believed he had done good, since he shared his cooking with others to save them as well.
[gives you the cannibalism lore while i'm at it because why not. lucien is pretty matter of fact about this, because it's not like he has any memory of it and his friend wasn't in his right mind so lucien has no reason to be like "what the fuck, kid."]
After the Membrum kills, the witch uses his magic to hold a Carnival—a trial in which jurors vote for the culprit among a pool of suspects known as the Sacrificia. Both the murders and Carnivals continue each night, until either the Membrum is caught or they are the last Sacrificium standing.
/3
He does listen quietly and starts sorting the information -- the nice thing is, he's actually extremely good with taking in information especially at this point by now, so he keeps up well even with all of the unknown variables. Still. ]
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......
[ HE'S... HORRIFIED? ]
What's... this is... "Previous timeline"...?
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he's quiet for a while, trying to figure out how to explain this, and how to avoid anything that is perhaps not lucien's to doxx.]
... On our side is another witch, or something similar in nature—someone with powers. The witch who runs the carnivals is trying to drive them to despair, in hopes that they will be a force of destruction against the country.
However, his plans have yet to come to fruition because of one of their other abilities: the ability to rewind time whenever they die.
[lucien frowns because he hates this ability actually? anastasia (person who dies the most in even if), stop dying ): - signed lucien (person who dies the second most in even if).]
Only a few people retain their memories after this happens, however. They have not spoken at length of everything that happened, but to my understanding, they have turned back time repeatedly to find a way to defeat the witch and to prevent their loved ones' deaths.
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...
[ Sorry he's just going silent in shock for a second. ]
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but also hm. concerning!]
... Tokinaga? [OH NO. he looks around for a flat surface to put his cup down on and settles for placing it on the floor.] Are you all right? I'm sorry, should I have said less...!?
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-- No. No, no. Sorry, it's not that. [ Even if he seems definitely a lot more nervous and tense than before. ] ...How many times...? How did you find this all out?
[ Literally entirely from the few who remember? Or has Lucien retained anything himself? ]
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anyway lucien is not going to mention that he got to witness some of his previous selves' memories here because he feels like maybe that will distress tokinaga more somehow. honestly, like he told zenn once, in a moment of insecurity, he wishes he remembered any of it.]
I learned from those who remembered. It took some effort, but we managed to convince them that there was strength in numbers, and they needn't carry the entire burden by themselves.
So, we put together a plan to stop any Membrum from being created in this timeline. [one hand idly goes up to touch the opposite arm, rubbing it just slightly.] ... Though, as you've seen, it didn't go that way.
[because lucien is a pathetic ass loser whose willpower wasn't strong enough!!]
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And you just... believed them? Why?
[ What proof did you have that all these timeloops were real? Also stop Lucien is doing his best and we love him for that. ]
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... One of them was a longtime trusted friend of the others with me. Furthermore, he should've been a complete stranger to me, and yet knew things that I would've only said to those close to me. Apparently, in the first timeline, he had worked under me for years.
Lister was likewise able to verify that L—the one rewinding time knew personal secrets of his, despite not being acquainted as far as he recalled.
[...]
And they had no reason to lie. If they meant to deceive me, they wouldn't have spent so much effort trying to ensure I would stay away in the first place. I had to go through quite a lot of trouble to find them.
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[ These... people (plural)? ]
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And to be honest, we were well past the point of Zenn being suspicious when he had already attacked me in an alleyway earlier in an attempt to scare me off and keep me from learning the truth.
[said dryly. doxxes zenn because frankly his memory already doxxed zenn's immortality so that was half the cat out of the bag.
but more seriously—his tone softens.]
... And I do not like doubting people. [he can admit that, even if it makes him naive.] I don't think I give my trust easily, but even if someone's claims are outrageous, does that itself necessarily mean they're more likely to be lying? I've had plenty of people in the palace try to deceive me with the mundane. [a light shake of his head.] These two had given me no reason to doubt them otherwise, especially given the... circumstances we found them in.
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...You're really something, Lucien-kun.
[ TRULY THIS IS ALL HE CAN GET OUT. CHRIST. Just the ability to trust in people is so impressive, but equally as impressive (but maybe slightly derogatory in comparison) is his ability to just be like btw my friend went crazy and tried to turn me into soup and feed me to EVERYONE! ]
Somehow, I feel like I've been underestimating you.
[ He wasn't, not quite, but relative to the bigger picture, yk? ]
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Ah... pardon?
[what does this mean.]
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It's nothing.
How's your fever?
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it's not like he's completely unaffected, truth be told. he doesn't particularly fear death, doesn't consider his own to be something that should necessarily be grieved even by himself—but what he is scared of is going to sleep and waking up as not himself again. or when he remembers what it was like to want someone dead, which is quite honestly one of the worst feelings in his life, when he doesn't have even an inkling of a death wish against his enemies. anastasia is the one who's pro KILL YOUR ABUSERS, not him...
but he's already been enough of a burden, down to the very end of his life, so the least he could do is avoid that here in purgatory.]
It's fine. Better now—I did tell you it wasn't anything to worry about.
[though speaking of which... hrrrrngh he doesn't really want to ask, but he's aware that he probably should, and who knows? maybe tokinaga would rather think about this than whatever he's thinking.]
Incidentally, how well-versed are you in first aid or medical attention, Tokinaga?
[he knows you helped siffrin out, but checking something...]
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...?
[ He seems surprised by the question. After this, he definitely wasn't expecting that. ]
I'm not a doctor or anything, so I can't fully speak on anything specific, but... I've had a course on quick field aid, like what to do if you get bitten by a wild animal, and I went to school for veterinary studies, so I know how to perform certain kinds of medical attention.
[ Honestly despite being a vet by all means he's actually. Incredibly well-equipped to just practically be a human GP. Since he also looks after Obikawa and, I guess since this is the thread of weird lore bombs, his 'cat' actually has human organs. He's not on the level of the ACTUAL human-body researchers at the Institute but APPARENTLY SINCE HE'S THE CLOSEST THING THAT COUNTS AS A DOCTOR IN PURGATORY!!!!!! NOT THIS AGAIN!!!!!!!!! ]
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Well... hypothetically, if someone was supposed to have stitches in for three months, do you think said stitches would have to be changed at any point before then?
[HYPOTHETICALLY!!]
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Yes? Or at least checked over to see they're doing their job, or even remove them.
[ LUCIEN. ]
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I see. Thank you.
[hm. well! okay.]
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Why?
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[he knows he is not going to get away with this but he must make an attempt.]
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[ LUCIEN...... ]
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anyway.]
Correct, I do not have any here.
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Lucien-kun three months is a long time. Most of them are removed in two weeks.
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Three months is what I was told by the surgeon.
[also one month of bedrest but lucien didn't even pretend for a day he was going to follow that.]
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[ YOUR SURGERY. ]
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I think you should get it checked just in case.
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[but ugh feels bad. emotionally that is not physically.]
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[ Is he really? ]
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[ NAME SOMEONE RIGHT NOW. ]
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WHY IS HE BEING PUT ON THE SPOT!!]
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[ Do you think he's above weaponising this to make troublesome patients behave, he's not. ]
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[you win, tokinaga :pensive: ]
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But we should maybe not do it here.
[ It just feels weird and also he doubts there's any sterile stuff just in case. ]
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[still doesn't know what the issue is with this place but he has no reason not to listen to tokinaga.]
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[ Letsa-go. Are your stitches okay, did Jan give you gangrene my son. ]
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the injury itself is not infected or anything or else lucien probably would've noticed sooner,,, though the stitches have been a borderline lost cause in terms of really doing anything since he reopened the wound on the tdm. dw about it. at least tsukasa helped him back then (tsukasa is presumably not a medical practitioner)]
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BUT HELP NOT THE ARM MIGRATING TO THE STOMACH HOW DO YOU FORGET SO MUCH. Maybe he had appendicitis afterwards.
Anyway. ]
Were you really going to just not say anything?!
[ LUCIEN!!! ]
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Well, it hasn't been hindering me.
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Would you say the wound is healed enough that Lucien could probably simply go without stitches anymore? ]
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*lucien's lack of regard for not aggravating his injuries aside]
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anyway lucien is probably pretty resilient to pain so yay.]
Thank you, Tokinaga. Again, I apologize for the trouble.
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[ By the looks of it, Lucien was probably going to be fine but what if he wasn't? It's about those possibilities. ]
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[instead of bothering lone pseudo-doctor tokinaga...]
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You shouldn't. You might go deaf, or blind, or lose all sense of touch, or something else...
[ Well, he thinks those were probably caused by the river. ]
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[APPALLED]
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I wasn't trying to hide it. [or well he wasn't weeks ago. ignores the last few minutes.] It simply didn't seem important.
[he was just reminded of it because of the memory... and went huh maybe i should check...]
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[ From now on, he meant. ]
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I will do my due diligence to ensure you have no cause for concern.
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[ Lucien truly is just that blorbo blingus that you want to feed soup to and make sure he's doing alright. ]
I'll have stern words if you don't.
[ No he won't. ]
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also lucien definitely phrased that in a way so he wasn't lying if he gets injured and decides tokinaga doesn't need to know because in that scenario he also would not be causing tokinaga concern. though with that said, he's not looking to fuck himself up with injuries either so surely it will be fine.]
Oh? And what would stern words from you look like?
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That's a surprise.
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That's quite ominous.
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Just a touch is enough to keep most people on their toes.
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Speaking from previous experience?
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I don't want to legitimately scare you...
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sorry he snerks.]
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The point is, just take care.
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You as well, Tokinaga.
W5
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Wha—!?
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[attempts to reach up with his paws buT HIS STUBBY ARMS DON'T REACH THE TOP OF HIS HEAD.]
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"Stop moving please..."
[ At least his voice is very easily recognizable. ]
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[lowers his arms and goes still.]
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"Holy shit. You're a mascot."
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I don't know what I am.
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[ lmao ]
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AFFRONTED]
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Hien...
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Never mind that! Why are you so small?
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"Surgery speedrun."
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[ im sorry to lucien and lucien only ]
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What is that supposed to mean?
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[ Weird.
Anyway,,,, ]
"Don't think about it to spare yourself the headache."
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"I said don't think about it."
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I can't not think about it!
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"You're gonna get a headache, so stop thinking about it."
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All right...
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Hien just gently pats Lucien's arm. ]
"Don't worry about it. Let's think about your problem instead."
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anyway he stares down at his paws in dismay.]
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"Stop that. It makes you look cuter."
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What.
[goddess what must he do to end the cute allegations]
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"Let's go have fun. Maybe you'll forget all about this if we do."
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Okay... What do you want to do?
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[ Hien tries to lead Lucien to do exactly that despite being 6 inches tall against a 36 inches tall kittynoid.
let me free u here too... ]
post-cyoa
Eventually.
Given everything. ]
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Lucien?
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[the door is unlocked so she may enter.]
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[ And here she is! ]
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Apologies if I worried you. [a little smile.] My injuries have healed.
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[ Go on. ]
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You're very direct, Mafuyu. [ha...] I've been better—we all know these aren't pleasant—but I will recover.
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... Do you want to talk about it?
[ She will absolutely not force it if he says no. ]
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... I am more worried for Hien and Sylus, to be honest.
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[ And that hadn't gone well for him. Understandably. ]
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... I went through something like that. Or, we did... our group.
These adventures of sorts are incredibly dangerous, for both the body and the mind.
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[ ): ]
They are. [...] On my part, I was infected with something, so my main issue was worrying if I would lose my mind or do something to harm the others. Thankfully, that didn't come to pass, although it did affect my judgment in ways that could've hurt us had the others not made better choices.
[a light smile.]
Sylus, as you may have noticed, is the sort who does what he wants, heedless of anyone else's opinion. I'm very grateful for that, looking back.
[Otherwise, it felt like anything that happened to me was the result of my own failing.]
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[ Kind of. ]
It sounds as though you went through a lot. It's not going to feel better, most likely not until you've had the time to rest and process properly.
But I'm glad all of you made it back.
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... I am as well, although I wish I had helped Hien better so that he did not return... like that. [aaaaa] But to have us all return safely despite everything, even if not well, is a blessing in itself.
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[ Homicidal rampaging and all. ]
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He most likely has the experience to... better handle it than most, given everything else in his life. Still, I don't imagine that it won't have affected him at all, even if in less direct ways.
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[ Surely she's equipped for this. ]
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Thank you, Mafuyu. I'm not in much of a condition to be keeping an eye on him, but it puts me at ease to know that I can count on you.
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[ Don't overdo it. ]
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post cyoa
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You were all wet.
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Much better than our time on land, at least.
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How did that go?
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There was an island involving a cult that took on the faces of many people here. I'm a little unclear on what exactly what was going on.
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Well
Cults don't usually make sense.
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Why?
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How did you get so injured?
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Did you have to fight him or something?
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Are you feeling alright?
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It did not go well, so perhaps do not do it.
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But you're right. People will just call you an idiot for thinking it'd bother them.
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People will still worry though.
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If you say so.
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post-cyoa
r u ok?
[ DID YOU HEAL. ]
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[HE DID.]
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dont thank me for that tho, u guys had us worried
and these things r a nightmare
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im probably not the best company rn but if ur up for it idm
its a lot to process
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where r u
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[ he was probably in another part of the house, but he does approach lucien's room with a lil knock before letting himself in. he's carrying some fruit in a bowl, a bottle of water, and a notebook before handing the first two to lucien and having a seat to look him over.
HOW ARE YOU REALLY LOOKING? ]
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[yosuke can let himself in. there is a painting of a cockroach in his room for some reason, while lucien himself is sitting on his bed, idly petting a white cat who also clearly lives here going by the other cat stuff in the room. lucien looks a little pale/feverish, but he's not injured anymore.]
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"lucien, why do you have a cockroach painting?" ]
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My father once asked Mael to paint the most beautiful subject in the kingdom, and this was his response. [aka it was lucien's item from last week. he did say mael was a weirdo.] I'm quite fond of it myself.
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You know, I think I can respect that. At least the guy's very...himself.
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Did the river take your voice? ... But yes, I can always trust Mael to be himself.
[Except for when he's being impersonated but that's a different matter.]
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Have I mentioned how much I hate the whole impersonation thing? Because I do, a lot.
Still... it must be kinda comforting to have at least one thing you're familiar with here.
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It is. [pats cat as well.] May I ask what you received?
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Not exactly what I was expecting from him, but good enough for me.
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Not that I'm surprised. I'm more confused how the hell he got here.
[ but he's accepted a while ago that if anyone even hinted yu was in danger, he'd just throw himself in without question. ]
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Indeed. I have no idea how Mael landed himself in Purgatory either.
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When was the last time you saw him before we got here?
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A week ago, maybe? I'd been avoiding him lately, but last we spoke, he was going to hole himself up in his room to read the latest entry in his favourite novel series.
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[ what the fuck is this creature. ]
Why were you avoiding him anyway?
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I guess I was just wondering if the timing had to do with why he might've been here.
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[thinks...]
Honestly, I can't see how he might've lost his life, unless he had some kind of freak accident. As far as I know, he never died in any of the previous timelines.
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I guess the question is if they're really dead.
I still can't even be sure WE'RE dead.
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Definitely not. I was heading home before I got here. Not exactly anywhere I'd just die.
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I certainly hope that we didn't all die to come here, at least. [a flicker of a mental image, of water.] I'm not even sure of how we're leaving.
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I'm not either. But we'll get there.
For now though... do you guys remember how you got to where you ended up?
Maybe there's a hint in that.
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It feels like it's been half and half on the memory thing.
A boat?
[ "how the hell..." ]
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[It always seems to come back to water.]
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If it's any consolation, we didn't save anyone it ours either. Not until the very end, and even then they disappeared on us.
The river?
A different one than the river here, I assume.
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Not that I expected it to sound GOOD, but are you telling me you guys drowned to get back here?
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[(cyoa runner voice) imagine you are sora kingdom hearts going into the water in the kh opening]
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Like floating through nothing.
And then you were back here?
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There are similarities to some of the other trips, but then there aren't.
I thought maybe there would be some pattern but nothing's come up that's concrete.
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What made you change your mind from making them, you think?
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Sylus was the one who immediately decided to accompany Tokinaga and the others back to the island. [a smile] He is a much kinder man than I had previously given him credit for.
[we also broke the cyoa because we weren't meant to do this but it's fine.]
Truthfully, I was ashamed that I had initially intended to let them go alone, even if I don't think I was wholly in my right mind, looking back. [sometimes... you really want to find treasure for some reason...] Still, I'm very grateful Sylus was there.
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I don't think you can blame yourself too bad. These things are designed to make you question what you know. Especially when you can't tell at the time if the people there are real or not.
I'm glad Sylus was there, too.
Even if it does sound like a bit of a hassle in the end to regroup.
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[It might've been my fault... I was the one who simply left and told them to do as they wished.]
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Either way I'm glad you all made it back in one piece. Safely.
Which I know is a choice to say given what happened with Hien but you get the idea.
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[but at least based off his conversation with hien, he doubts that lucien's attempt to, uh, self-sacrifice (which no one else needs to know about) aggravated it even if hien was getting ready to tpk when it was happening.]
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I feel like that's probably not something to apologize for when I'm gonna guess you guys had a lot going on yourselves.
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Even so, you had to deal with it for us, so I apologize.
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None of us regret that.
If we hadn't been there, you guys would've been in worse shape.
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This is gonna sound bad and I know it, but if the wounds were that bad maybe it was better to let it happen and let him fully revive.
Then again we don't know the consequences of that.
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What do you think that means?
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What do you think caused it?
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... And thus I learned not to make the same mistake again.
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The idea of facing yourself doesn't surprise me though.
[ of course it wouldn't. ]
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It just means more time for puzzling out the rest of this stupid stuff, like all of this.
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Like... what if there isn't another way out but retracing our steps?
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But yeah I do wonder. We keep going deeper and deeper so the idea there's an exit right at the center seems strange.
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... Well, whatever we have to do, we have to do.
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And as long as there's no sudden curveball at the end, we can at least be confident we're on the right track.
That's about all I can ask for... in addition to you guys getting a lot of rest and healing up.
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I'll do my best. I've no intention of making others worry.
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I got that impression.
Should I leave you to rest? This probably knocked you out a bit.
[ lucien, your weak constitution... ]
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If you need anything though, you know how to reach me.
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post-cyoa, action
Though using the compact does not even cross his mind.
He is instead going to search everywhere for poor Lucien a few hours after the chaos.]
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He isn't about to just barge in, so instead, he knocks!
Knock knock!]
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[A beat.]
Rather, are you too tired? I can come back later.
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Hastily, he opens the door and steps inside.]
Pardon the intrusion!
[Ahem.]
Lucien, I... just wanted to check in and see how you're doing.
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but he gives tsukasa a faint smile.]
Thank you. I apologize if I worried you.
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[... why a cockroach.
Tsukasa jumps when he sees it, makes a face, looks away from it hastily, and back to focusing on Lucien.]
It is only natural to worry about you after--after whatever you just went through.
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[sweet tsukasa.]
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[B-bugs are just--no, no, stop thinking about it!!]
Really, stop worrying about me! You're the one who--surely went through something terrible, judging from how you all looked!
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you know what, tsukasa said he didn't have to, but he is going to move lady anastasia off his lap and get up to take it down anyway.]
I'm not in any worse state than anyone else who has had to deal with these...
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That--really doesn't change the fact that you were in very concerning condition, you know!
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If it helps, most of that only happened towards the end, so I didn't have to endure it for too long.
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That! Really doesn't reassure me at all!
And--ah, are you still hurt?
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No, you needn't worry about that. I've just been feeling a bit weak since returning from the river.
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[Time to gently guide Lucien back to his seat then.]
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[but he will sit back down on his bed.]
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[...]
Did... did the river take away your current good health?
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You don't know... Mm...
Well! Regardless of what it was, it is only temporary. Ideally, it will be back before you know it.
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... If that is the case, and you've lost your good health for a time, then please rely on me and the others for anything you might need in the meantime.
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[he's just a frail maiden.......]
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In fact, if you were to push yourself too far when feeling like this, you would be at risk of making it worse. So!! Allow me to assist before it gets to that point!
[His frail maiden friend....]
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... Thank you, Tsukasa. Although there isn't anything in particular that I need...
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[pls pls pls let him be useful]
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Of course. [...] You and Mafuyu are both very reliable.
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He seems a little surprised for Mafuyu to be brought up, but nonetheless is ready and prepared to talk about her.]
Mafuyu is certainly an incredibly kind and reliable person! I'm glad to hear that you have both been able to support each other as well.
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She is, yes. She's already agreed to help look out for Hien and Sylus on my behalf.
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Hm! I see! Was that able to put you at ease any?
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It is very different from how she was when I met her back home.
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She did mention that she didn't feel the need to behave the same way here.
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[It may be tricky to navigate around their mutual friends, but he'll figure it out.]
... Ah, but we've gotten pretty off topic.
[A contemplative pause.]
How are you feeling?
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Will you take it easy?
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Then I'll trust in that, and leave you to get your rest.
As I said before, don't hesitate to rely on me!
[and then he goes
frees jan of uno thread since you've got a gazillion new ones]
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he's probably going back to his room from hunting hien and tokinaga down except sylus can find him crouched down on the floor as though he's trying to overcome a dizzy spell.]
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Walks over and tries to move him so he's sitting on the ground instead of crouching. ]
Sit.
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[but he is very easy to move right now so ok he's sitting.]
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[ vs crouching ]
Are your injuries aggravating you?
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Then what's the matter with you?
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... I've just been feeling weak since leaving the river. It's not a big deal.
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Weaker than usual?
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Because of the coin?
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... Though this feels less like blood loss or injury and more like illness, truthfully.
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[uggggh.]
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STANDS UP AND STARTS WALKING JUST TO SPITE SYLUS.]
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your sugar baby is waiting for you, lucien.
jk i promise this will be a normal check-in thread. ]
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you can have your pick of knocking on his door or finding him crouched down in the hallway.]
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he'll find him crouched down then!! he leans over him, pressing a hand against his shoulder. ]
Hey, you sure you're good enough to be out here?
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Rafayel?
[
sniffles like he's about to burst into tears]
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he doesnβt expect lucien to look like that, and so heβs awkwardlyβ¦ standing there for a second before he drops his voice and speaks a bit more gently. ] Are you hurtingβ¦?
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[he shakes his head for a sec except then he realizes that it makes him dizzy.]
I'm just glad to see that you're all right.
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but, at his words, he almost... wants to hit him. lightly, but still. ]
Are you in any position to worry about someone else? It's okay to lean on someone else when you're having a hard time, you know? [ ... and sometimes, it really does seem like lucien is having a hard time. ]
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I-I'm fine. I was simply feeling a bit dizzy.
[I'm sorry we failed you, even if it wasn't real... and that I stabbed you, even if it was because you stabbed me first...]
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not out loud at least, and so rafayel forcibly wedges himself under lucien's arm and just stays there, if he does want the help. if not, i guess he gets a half hug. ] ... It doesn't seem that way to me.
Who do you think you failed?
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SORRY HE'S SURPRISED AT THE HALF-HUG]
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rafayel gives him a pat on the shoulder, like: ] Hello?
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No, I didn't mean to surprise you.
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No, it's fine. I'm sorry if I made it awkward.
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his one shared thought of the day... ]
You've been through a lot. A little bit of awkwardness isn't going to kill either of us, you know.
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my god lucien is fighting for his life against the cute allegations.]
I suppose not. Still, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.
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but, when rafayel hears lucien back, he realizes... his thought may have been heard, and he can't help but to be a little shy about it. his eyes blink a few times, before he looks off to the side. ]
You didn't. [ ... ] So you didn't hate it?
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though now he's getting embarrassed again because there is something awkward about having to admit? you didn't hate the hug?]
No, I suppose not.
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why are they both embarrassed in the middle of this hallway... ]
Then, that's good. [ he clears his throat. ]
I was here to help, though. Is there anywhere you want to go right now? [ you know, to rest. ]
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... I was going back to my room, but my cat is there.
[and he knows... rafayel hates cats...]
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his words hit him like a bucket of cold water.
he already feels his skin crawling, but in spite of that: ]
I'll take you. [ but, he can't help himself from staring at lucien accusingly. Why would you keep a monster in your room? If the other fish knew... but, he's at least putting on the guise of nonchalance. in theory. ]
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... I can probably get her to leave once we're there? She's probably been cooped up for long enough, anyway.
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If she won't devour us first. [ lol.
but, he is remaining dutifully close as he gestures for lucien to follow along. ]
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[but off they go to his room... once they're there, though:]
... Perhaps you should stay out here first, and at a distance, while I let her out.
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[ said under his breath, but not nearly as quietly as he thinks.
but, he does end up giving a cautious nod. side stepping, but also... he tries not to trail too far off from lucien. he's still concerned, okay... what if he gets dizzy again? ]
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puts her down, a safe distance away from fish man.]
There you go, Lady Anastasia...
[the cat seems to ponder life for a moment before running off. see, rafayel? you're safe........]
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[ but, he's still looking out, making sure the cat fully scampers away before he stops hiding against the wall. ]
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[enters his room... if rafayel enters, there is a painting of a cockroach in there for some reason but anyway.]
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squinting at lucien. ] I'll come inside, but are you really not gonna explain?
[ what the hell is the roach painting...? is it good? ]
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[it is an extremely well done painting! it just sure is of a cockroach.]
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[ but, he's taking a moment to take in the roach painting.
the details are impressive. ]
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[says that a little too quickly.
good to know rafayel is fine with bugs...]
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but, at least he's not having to remove this roach. ]
Right, and you don't have a story for this guy being on your wall either?
[ it's his turn to judge now... ]
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Oh, no, I can explain that. It was what I received in the box from an earlier week—my friend painted it.
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he doesn't see, but he sees. that said: ] A friend? If it was in the box, does that mean... this is something you had from before?
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[ ? ] What do you mean?
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She must be something if it's got him head over heels. [ barely a pause, before: ] What about you?
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So that's a yes? What are they like?
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... They're a very strong and kind person—the sort who would defend someone even when they have nothing to gain. Gallant, and determined.
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Funny, that sounds like you, no? Except, just a bit less biased. Guess it's true that when you like someone, you start to become a little more like them, or something?
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[ but, rafayel seems to smile it off. ]
But, seriously... I think you have. As much as I know about you, it seems like you're always trying to help people. That's why I was hoping you'd take care of yourself too.
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You're very kind, Rafayel.
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[ but, he doesn't seem to dislike it. ]
Do you feel a little better now?
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[he gives a light nod.]
Yes, thank you.
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[ ahem. ]
But, I'm glad if that's the case. I'm sure you know, but you should try not to push yourself for the rest of the day.
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[ahem yourself.]
I know. I've no intention of making anyone worry.
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though, he does seem to perk back up at his response. ]
Good, you better keep it that way. Is it a promise?
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A promise seems quite drastic here.
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Is this your first time?
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We don't have to if you really don't want it.
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[he'll just have to feel extremely bad if he breaks it.]
Of course, I hope you'll also do your best to keep yourself safe, as well.
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he brings his pinky back up, dutifully waiting for lucien's finger. ]
No takebacks. [ but, also... ] I always do, you know?
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I suppose you've given less cause for concern than some people around here.
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but, he does think it's a little endearing. he links his pinky with his, giving it tight squeeze. ]
I'm very well-behaved, it's true. But, thanks for humoring me.
post cyoa!
Do you need anything?
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Some of them left or were taken away so quickly that I haven't been able to speak with them quite yet, so I'll need to do that later.
Are you sure you're fine?
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I've heard the effects from that can be pretty unpleasant, so be careful, okay?
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Today's was one of the worst we've had yet, return-wise.
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So no one was lost, then?
The river is a little rougher with people who die, I've heard.
[Thanks for the signboard guys he loves reading horrific scientific findings.]
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[would lucien avoid dying for his own sake? eh.]
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There's the hospital, but we don't have the capacity to take on injuries that really have a person on the very brink of death.
At this rate, I'm a little afraid that hoping for one would just be asking for trouble, too.
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Rather, on a whole, I find it pretty distasteful that we have to endure this and that at the whim of some higher power.
Even if we agreed to be here, it's frustrating, don't you think?
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And let me know if you need anything!
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post-cyoa, action
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Yes?
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Mind if I come in?
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Elysium? Go ahead.
[if he comes in, lucien is sitting on his bed, wearing the kitty hoodie as he pats an actual white cat in his lap. also there is a cockroach painting in his room for some reason.]
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…
He stops midway in his tracks. Points to this cursed painting. ]
What's that doing there?
[ DON'T JUST CALL IT THAT ]
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Oh…
Do you feel like it's brightened up the atmosphere?
[ the way he also has a succulent somehow ]
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Haha, probably not in the way people think. But I have always been quite fond of it, and its... eccentricity.
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Sets this succulent down onto any flat surface he can. Lucien has two new friends now… yay. ]
I have a feeling a lot of people would probably say otherwise, but it's good that you're not letting others influence you. Keep at it.
[ … A beat. ]
But I heard you were among the people who showed up later at the pillow fort. How are you doing now? Did you end up having to use the river?
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... Yes. You needn't worry—my injuries have healed.
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And what the river doesn't heal?
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... You needn't worry about that either. If anything, I am more concerned for Hien and Sylus.
[and the other cyoa goers, but that goes without saying.]
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You aren't trying to turn this into a contest of who's gone through more, are you? I'm talking to you. Not them.
… But I will check up on them later.
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That's good to hear. ... We all saw what happened with Hien, and though Sylus acts unshakeable, the things that happened on the journey hurt him quite a bit.
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[ the way he just made hien feel worse. oopsie ]
Did you guys have to live through another life?
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Something like that. I did vaguely recall Purgatory, but our memories were altered to give us context for why we were on this journey. I also received some more detailed memories of that life, though after speaking to Hien, it doesn't seem like that was the case for him.
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Something like that…? That sounds annoying. Sylus looked pretty worried for the both of you.
[ The cadence more or less suggests that he finds it uncharacteristic behaviour and serves as a quiet opening for Lucien to elaborate, if he wants to. ]
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Perhaps this is mean of me to say, but Sylus is a much kinder person than I had expected.
[*there is a bit of an overly positive interpretation of some things that happened maybe but also sylus was an mvp here]
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No, not yet.
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[ Is this a compliment or a diss? Lucien can be the judge. ]
But… you should. When you get the chance. It helps in the way that no one else but the people who were with you would understand.
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He just smiles back. Lucien? Do you have something to share with the class? ]
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[when elysium instead Dodged Feelings.]
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If you'd like to ask again, I've gone through character development and can answer you more honestly this time!
[ WHO SAYS THIS!!! ]
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Really? Will you tell me what happened to you, then? [...] Though if you're truly uncomfortable with it, I don't wish to force you to relive your traumas.
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[ The fact of the matter is that the worst case scenario literally didn't happen. Things could've gone so much worse, but they didn't, and that alone is what buoys him back to the surface. ]
I'll talk even if you don't feel comfortable sharing your own. I do wonder what's going to happen now that most of us have gone through the experience.
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If it weren't for everyone else, I would've likely walked down a different path.
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softly,]
You wanted to give into your anger?
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[ There is a reason why, despite all that he's willing to do for other people, he doesn't truly consider himself kind. And it's this. ]
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The people I was with were unbearably kind and forgiving.
[ a little defeated. ]
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They are very kind. But even if this wasn't it, I think most people have lines they would consider unforgivable. It's not strange that this happened to be yours.
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You don't have to justify my behaviour.
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Well, I get angry when harm befalls innocents and the people I care about, of course.
post-cyoa
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Can I come in?
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[if hak comes in, lucien is just sitting on his bed, looking a little light-headed and petting a white cat. also there is a painting of a cockroach in his room for some reason.]
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hak comes in with fucking nothing because he's horrible but he does at least look appropriately somber, although that changes to confusin when he sees the cockroach (??????). ]
...Were you redecorating?
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It was my item from last week. My father once asked Mael to paint the most beautiful subject in the land, and this was his answer.
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And he picked a bug. [ incredible. ] You're right, there's something wrong with that guy.
[ SAID WITH SOME AFFECTION.......but they're not here to talk about mael. ]
How are you feeling?
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[because it's so ridiculous. anyhow.]
I'm fine—the river healed me. [...] How are you feeling?
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[ actually there have been very few days where he's felt worse but this ain't about him. ]
The river doesn't fix everything. And the stuff it takes away isn't usually what we want it to.
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Indeed. I had hoped never to have to use it.
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[ truly the only thing keeping him sane. ]
Were you guys all together? [ all six of them.... ]
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So there were two groups this time? [ AWFUL. but......hm. ] What happened to Hien?
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It must have been really bad for him. [ ... ] Not that these things are ever not bad.
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And you?
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REMEMBERS WHAT HIEN DID AND WHO HE'S TALKING TO. OH GODDESS. well, if it helps hien and hak make up, maybe he shouldn't say anything...?]
I imagine I had an easier time of it.
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'Easier' doesn't mean it was easy though.
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As you said, these things never are, for anyone.
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[ this is apparently the question to ask ]
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Though thankfully, that didn't come to pass.
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An affliction?
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post cyoa!
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he can be crouched down in a hallway in purrfect penance.]
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Apparently Tokinaga crouches down in front of Lucien upon spotting him in the hall.]
You look like you're about to throw up.
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Obikawa? [looks up dizzily.] ... I'm fine.
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Yeah? You don't look like it. Wanna go lie down somewhere? Or do you need to get to a toilet bowl?
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[after he went out to check up on hien and also check up on tokinaga before tokinaga could learn that he was on cyoa.]
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Oh. Damn, did you get beat up so bad that you're still not fully healed? The river's supposed to take care of all that, right?
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My injuries were healed, and they weren't that bad. [he had two sword holes in him including in a place that did kill him in canon but, like, compared to hien.] I'm just feeling a bit weak since leaving the river.
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The river takes things, so maybe it's just that. If your injuries weren't bad, you would have been better off avoiding it.
[THEY WERE BAD.]
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Well, I lost consciousness, so I didn't have much of a choice in the matter regardless.
[he was going to anyway because even he didn't think he should be walking around with stab wounds but also he fainted so reirin dumped him in there.]
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People really just throw each other into that thing.
[Said with a bit of a displeased frown. Truly so funny though Reirin just said GOOBY.]
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People care about each other.
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You're all lucky that river hasn't drowned anyone yet.
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anyhow, he moves to get up.]
Honestly, I can't disagree with that...
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Can you make it back to your room or are you going to crash over?
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I'll be fine.
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I'll make sure you get there.
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[AT LEAST HE'S HONEST.]
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... Do as you please, I suppose.
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[He will give Tokinaga space and touch grass briefly before he goes back to pestering his ASS!!!!]
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[as he makes his way back to his room...]
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He'd just kick me out even if I wanted to stick around.
[Especially for sweet Fia. He's attached but not so badly that he can't just fuck off and do other things for a while as long as Tokinaga's stupid ass is alive about it.]
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Ah, I could see that.
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He'd just spend all his time worrying about people until he could talk to them, anyway.
[Stupid.
But also:] Did you get eaten by Hien or were you with Tokinaga?
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[DOES HE KNOW ABOUT HIEN'S RAMPAGE? IS THIS HOW HE FINDS OUT? Obikawa does not yet know there were two separate cyoa parties.]
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Neither.
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How'd you end up there?
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There were? You guys went to two different places, then...? So you were with the other one?
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[... I should've made sure Hien was in a better state before we returned...]
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What even happened there?
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We were dealing with some sort of cult?
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Huh?
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Was it a purgatory cult or a different cult?
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So you got to this weird island and they tried to kill you guys? Is that how you got all beat up?
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So we returned with them to try and cure Rafayel, which is when—essentially as you put it.
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So... Fake Rafayel and fake Tokinaga and some fake other lady, right? You guys really went back to that island full of people who definitely wanted to kill you, huh.
[AN UNEXPECTED TURN.]
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We didn't know at the time that they wanted to kill us. We had an inkling something was wrong there, since I'd seen traces of the contamination, and they did for some reason think we were thieves and thus were quite angry with us when we left the first time, but we had no reason yet to think they were some sort of cult.
[*sylus and hien did in fact steal stuff and lied to lucien about it]
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Oh. Makes more sense, then. Kind of. It's still pretty stupid to go back to a place where you left on that kind of a bad note, but finding help in the ocean's rough for people.
[Have you all considered evolving into bigger things that can handle water better.]
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Tokinaga and the woman were going there regardless, to save Rafayel. [... a momentary look of guilt.] It would have been callous to leave them be and continue on our journey.
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[What is there to be guilty about here...]
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Sylus is a much kinder person than he seems. To that degree, I am ashamed of myself, and I should learn to take a page from his book.
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[That's actually hilarious.]
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Yes.
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Damn, that's pretty funny. [NO IT ISN'T.] Did you guys know they were fake?
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It is not unusual, but that does not make it right. In any case, as said, they were essentially as real to us as we were to each other.
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What happened to them in the end, anyway? Since Tokinaga was away getting his ass kicked in a totally different place.
[And he already forgot who the other two people were...]
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He came to his senses afterwards, but the townspeople got a hold of him and likely killed him as well.
[there's the look of guilt again of someone wondering if he could've done something to prevent rafayel's death...]
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So all three of them died in the end. Kind of sounds like what these places are like in general? Making choices that aren't really choices and everything leading to whatever's the worst outcome.
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You aren't infected anymore, right?
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I don't have any sort of blade on me. Are you able to make a small cut on my person?
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Yeah, I can. Where?
[JUST DOESN'T ASK QUESTIONS.]
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My hand is fine. Somewhere that'll bleed, but not inconvenience me.
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[Taps the heel of his palm opposite the thumb so there's not a lot of risk of the skin stretching with all the fingie movements people typically do. If he's given the greenlight, his fingie just becomes sharp and stabby and he can use the tip of that to leave a lil cut.]
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[but wahoo cut. it bleeds normal blood, which lucien looks at.]
... I should be fine. When I was infected, there was a black substance mixed in with my blood.
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Oh. Was that the infection? The black stuff?
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...? So people were in your veins?
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[A hivemind... Sounds fuckin wild.]
You were part of it, then? What'd it want?
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Huh. Well, no voices and no weird blood now, at least. Just the stuff missing from the river? Nothing else?
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I've heard different things from different people. It's not as bad when you go in without dying, right?
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[Also good because he can now be a little less concerned something like that may have happened to Tokinaga.]
So you're just dizzy, mostly?
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That and feeling oddly weak, I suppose. Perhaps I have a fever coming on...
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Fever? Maybe you just got sick from being in the cold.
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I don't normally fall into rivers.
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Jumping or being thrown into rivers and getting fevers about it.
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I have no relationships with rivers at all!
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So it's just the randomly getting fevers part?
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[Or Tokinaga will be sad...]
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[tokinaga wouldn't have to know?]
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[TOKINAGA WOULD FIND OUT.]
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anyhow, they make it to the front of lucien's room because i think they were walking there the entire time for this convo.]
... Thank you for accompanying me this far. I apologize for the trouble.
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i love when threads go on for so long that i forget what's happening in them BUT YES... It's fine. Now Obikawa knows where Lucien lives.]
Sure, sure. It'd have been worse if you just threw up all over the hall and died there or whatever. Go rest!
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Good, good. Bye!
[Just waves a hand and fucks off gooby you sweet sickly twink.]
w6 action;
He's in a wheelchair
I'm sure someone will help him get one eventually
Ice rink? π₯Ί ]
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lucien is walking around even though he probably shouldn't, since despite having dressed up for the cold, his newly returned sickly maiden era doesn't like it. at the same time, this kind of scenery is so rare for him that he wants to look around.......
when he spots tokinaga, though, he pauses, not sure if he should interrupt this quiet moment.]
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stands here continuing to debate if he wants to make himself seen or let tokinaga have his moment of peace...]
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Raises a hand in greeting? ]
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Tokinaga. How are you feeling?
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[ SIGHS!!! ]
But I already made it all the way up here, so I figured I can take a bit of a break.
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[ YOU NEED TO BE TUCKED IN!! Both here but also in real life. ]
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also he realizes belatedly he wasn't supposed to admit to having been in the river but at this point there's no way tokinaga wasn't told about the other cyoa, so. moves on.]
I spent all of yesterday in my room. [besides checking on tokinaga and hien.] I got tired of it.
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Still... if you push it too far, you might get sicker too. Just be careful of that.
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[it's just that he is trying from the perspective of someone with no self-preservation or self-worth so the bar is on the ground.]
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I'd hope you are!
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He can be like on the snowy grass/dirt next to the ice sure ]
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but waho a scene plays out on the ice:
in which lucien doesn't drop dead early in a route for once (cw: survivor guilt-esque suicidal thoughts)
At the Carnival, out of the Sacrificia, the Membrum suspects—Lucien, Conrad, Anastasia, Crius Castlerock, and Maya Kirkland—the last one is voted for and cast to the flames for the murder committed the previous night. Everyone is teleported back to where they were when the night began, with Lucien back in his quarters. His hands go up to the chains around his neck, marking his status as a Sacrificium and confirming that the Carnivals will continue as the Membrum remains.
The grief and guilt on his face are clear, over sentencing an innocent woman to death. He looks as though he's about to throw up as he stumbles to his bed.
-
It is that same night as he hears voices and footsteps approaching—someone has slipped into his chambers. Lucien throws a knife at the man, who dodges.
It's Crius Castlerock, one of his fellow Sacrificia. Lucien accuses him of being the Membrum come to kill him, which Castlerock denies. Then, Tyril Lister, the inquisitor and Facilitator who oversees the Carnival by the witch's will, appears as well.
"We are here to protect you from Miss Red," Lister says.
"Even now, you suspect her!?"
"... And you still choose to believe in her innocence?" Castlerock replies.
"Of course I do!"
Castlerock clearly isn't happy to hear that, as he continues. He explains how the Membrum's victory condition is to remain the last Sacrificia standing, which means that the easiest way to win would be to just kill all the other Sacrificia during the night. As a result, he fears that Lucien may be Anastasia's target, and though he doesn't know how well he and Lister can fend off the witch-induced sleep, he asks for Lucien's permission to guard him tonight.
Conflict strikes Lucien's face for a moment, before he adamantly refuses. He accuses Castlerock of being the one to behave suspiciously, possibly at the witch's behest, and insists that Anastasia's pain and grief at the trial was genuine and that she would never come to kill him.
"I'll agree with that, at least," says Lister. "From Miss Red's perspective, she gains nothing from killing the idiotic prince that so foolishly believes in her still."
A pause, and then: "If she'd kill anyone, Cas... it'd be you."
Castlerock smiles, seeming unbothered. "Yeah, I figured."
Meanwhile, Lucien stares, apparently horrified at how flippantly the two speak of this matter, of people's lives.
-
Morning comes, and the first thing Lucien does is check on Castlerock's status. Despite their argument the night before, Lucien is genuinely relieved to hear that he's still alive and safe—though it then turns to shock when he receives news of Conrad's death instead.
He thinks of how Lister had asked about his brother's whereabouts last night, and he begins to wonder: did Lister ask so that he could protect Conrad, or to kill him?
(... Ahh, but I do dislike doubting people.
But thanks to my brother's death, we now only need to suffer the trial a maximum of two more times, as opposed to three.
—Thanks to his death...? I'm a monster for thinking so positively about the loss of a human life.
But... if one more person dies...
Ah...! What am I even considering?)
-
At the next trial, Lucien dominates, proving himself every bit the image of a prince and orator. He and Anastasia join forces to indict Castlerock as the Membrum.
Yet, when it becomes clear that they've succeeded, and Castlerock accepts his impending death—Lucien does not look triumphant, but the opposite, with his mask of steady strength cracking. And when Castlerock falls to the flames, he watches in devastation.
-
As the Carnival fades, Lucien is once again returned to his chambers. His hand goes up to the chains that remain around his neck.
...
In the dead of the night, he heads to the church, where he offers up a prayer to the Goddess for Castlerock's soul. Despite everything, he doesn't seem shocked.
(Maybe there never really was a Membrum. Maybe everyone person standing on trial is a human, and we're all dancing to the witch's lies.
That must be it! We've all fallen for the witch's deceit! And if that's true...!
... Or even if it isn't true...
I should have been the one to die.)
...
well, lucien was already looking a bit pale, but now he's even more so.]
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He's seen this song and dance a few too many times. He should be able to close his eyes and ignore it, be polite for the sake of those whose memories he's prying into, but it happens in a strange flash, like he'd seen it all for himself, and whatever plays under the depths of the ice is just a recap of it all.
Either way, there's no avoiding it, nor hiding what he'd just seen.
Ah... ]
...Lucien-kun. Need an extra scarf?
[ Your paleness... ]
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...]
I'm all right. I apologize that you had to witness that.
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...I tried to close my eyes, but it's like they really just smash it into your head...
[ Unavoidable memshares always. ]
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...How many times have you guys gone through that thing?
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anyway, he thinks.]
The Carnival, specifically? The witch didn't appear in our first lives, so... [mentally counts] One where Orla was the Membrum, then Sammy, then Lady Anastasia...
Depending on if we count the case with myself [given he, you know. drowned himself before killing anyone], then Lady Anastasia has lived through three timelines where the witch held Carnivals.
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And... they all continue like that, until... How long is each "Carnival"?
[ The way that leaves such a bitter taste in his mouth. Carnival. ]
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[more :thonk:]
Lady Orla—my cousin—was the Membrum in one life. The way Lady Anastasia spoke of it, it sounds as though she was caught after her first murder, though that's incongruent with the memory I've seen here...
Sammy, however, was definitely caught in the first Carnival—Lady Anastasia spoke in detail of his fate at trial, as the only time the witch intervened and took a life directly.
[a little frown at that, but.]
... And then, in the life where Lady Anastasia was the Membrum—well, you have seen what happened then, and how many rounds that took.
[he supposes that they didn't see how it ended, only that it was down to lucien and anastasia as the last two sacrificia, but lucien has his suspicions.]
From my understanding, at least, the witch doesn't typically appoint another Membrum once the first is dealt with.
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If there's inconsistencies, doesn't that mean there were more than three?
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—Ah, pardon. I do have to correct myself. There was a second Membrum after Sammy in that timeline [this was me jan forgetting about this], so four Carnivals altogether, though that wouldn't have anything to do with the inconsistency.
Rather, the issue is that in what I've seen here, Lady Orla wasn't caught—because Lady Anastasia was about to be voted for by the jurors, so I declared myself the Membrum to be executed in her place.
[says that bluntly.]
Though given that Lady Anastasia immediately caught onto what I was doing, and I doubt that Mael, who was also a Sacrificium in that trial, would've simply believed me either... perhaps they got the trial extended somehow? It sounds unusual, but if anyone could make it happen, it would be Lady Anastasia.
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[ Obviously voicing his dislike of such a thing now doesn't really do anything, but you know. Can't help himself. Not like he doesn't understand! Doesn't mean he has to like it when somebody else does. Nobody said he couldn't be hypocritical on top of comically salty. I really thought it'd be strictly limited to Anastasia's LIs though, this game really is more YTTD than otome help me. ]
Do you think... you were close to figuring out how to break free?
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...
he takes a moment to lowkey breathe in and out, trying to compartmentalize his emotions, between the memory he witnessed that he has decided he will unpack later (or maybe not at all, because what is there to unpack, really) and tokinaga's question, so as to avoid getting worked up and accidentally summoning a fever.]
We did figure out how to proceed, and I came up with a plan.
[there is an unspoken "but".]
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You know, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to think about either.
[ Just want to make sure he knows. The last thing he wants is for Lucien to get sick or upset because... what, to answer a few random questions of his curiosity? ]
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[it's nothing that he doesn't think about constantly here anyway.]
There is no magic or anything like that that can stop the witch. But his magic isn't omnipotent either—a person becomes a Membrum only because when he calls, something in their heart answers them.
Crius Castlerock, for instance, never killed once even after becoming a Membrum, because his will was stronger than the witch's.
[between his own experiences and witnessing the memory just now, where crius was basically right about everything ever while lucien otoh has the worst judgment, lucien is convinced that crius is one of the greatest people in the world, actually?]
So the solution is to give the people a reason to reject him. To reveal that contrary to popular belief, he doesn't provide them with any special power, and is nothing more than a stranger to their ear suggesting that they kill. [...] If they realize that, and can truly bring themselves to believe that becoming a Membrum will only result in tragedy and their own death, then they have no reason to accept his contract.
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[ And... maybe being in a position of power to be to be able to write that statement as truth is a boon? ]
I think I get it.
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Of course, people already know rationally not to give into temptation, so we needed to go further.
The plan was for me to give an imperial decree, as those are done so rarely that the people know it to be important. Ideally, Father would've done so, but we knew he would refuse, and thus it fell on me. [when your father reliably sucks so that you can plan based on it...] Even Lister came around to it, and he accused me of having unripe bananas in my head at first.
But as he said, we need three things: credibility, folklore, and impact. We had all three covered with the finer details, thanks to him and Zenn.
[there is an elephant in the room here but anyhow.]
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[ UNRIPE BANANAS IN THE HEAD? ]
Sounds like you got a lot of things figured out between all of you.
That's good.
[ Whoa... power of friendship or whatever... Tokinaga's not going to point out any flaws or wrenches here, he wants you to succeed. ]
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...
there is something bitter, if guilty, in lucien's smile, but he's not going to point out the glaring issue if it hasn't occurred to tokinaga, given that it'll only make tokinaga feel bad.]
The four of them—Lady Anastasia, Crius, Lister, and Zenn—are some of the most reliable people I know. [...] Lady Anastasia wasn't able to work with everyone altogether in her previous lives, so may that be her greatest strength from now on.
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You have a... really complicated family to say the least, but I'm glad you have allies too.
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Indeed. They're good people. [and despite lucien's own failings—] And even if it may seem naive, I do genuinely believe in the people's strength, when it comes down to it.
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He's quiet again while he stares out at the icy flats of the lake surface. It's not thoughtshare week anymore... he's free to think whatever he wants... ]
I hope you find out what this witch's deal is with your kingdom's history.
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... As do I. [...] It might sound strange, but a part of me was thinking... if everything could be settled [if lucien can safely come back to life], that I might ask the witch what happened. Not just to understand why he hates us, but...
[has the witch been ruining their lives repeatedly? sure, but—]
Father burned every piece of rare historical text, in the name of some kind of conspiracy. If Ish—the witch—is the only being left in the world who knows the full and true history, then I want to leave behind a record of it.
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Nice of you as always, Lucien-kun. Or should I say righteous?
[ Just not self- righteous. ]
What if it's something that goes against everything you've ever known about your world?
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I can't imagine what'd turn someone who was supposedly good like that [ Presumably? As an attendant of the Goddess ] into such a demon.
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Tokinaga, I get the feeling you're thinking about something besides my circumstances. [which is fine, because honestly, lucien wonders if tokinaga isn't sick of hearing about lucien's problems all the fckin time, but—] May I ask if that's the case?
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[also if you ever want to give a mem back feel free I'M SORRY TOKINAGA HAS JUST HAD TO REPEATEDLY LEARN MORE ABOUT TIME LOOPS THAN HE EVER WANTED. i can also interrupt with a stupid memory any time.]
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So sure, he's just staring off into the ice and...
He soon finds his coworkers has become distant from him, and he's thereafter removed from the team. His head of department approaches him not much longer after that and explains how they cannot have him working here, and to put it lightly, pressures him to quit. He silently walks back to his bare desk, and the reality of what just happened sinks in.
'......I screwed up...! I have to go back... to my first day...!'
Back then, his bruises only came up just to his ankles. This time, when he speaks to his head of department, he avoids mentioning Nisroca at all. This time, he mentions that the sea soil samples retrieved by an investigation team in 1990 may have a connection with the appearance of IPOs. He posits it purely as hypothesis and theory, so they don't question his mental state again.
But he's a member of the IPO Invasion Prediction Department of the Meteorology Division. This is above anyone's paygrade here. They're already busy as-is, so if Tokinaga wants to work on anything else, he's instructed to pursue it as a personal side project.
Two years later. They'd never followed up on his warnings, he's not heard a word. He should be getting for work already, but he can't bring himself to do it. He remains in bed, haggard in appearance and worn down. His psyche's been crushed by the persistent tension and unease brought on by his need to try to change things, to save people -- but nobody had listened. He's stopped liking people, and feels so utterly alone.
'Nobody even wants to listen. Even though so many people are going to die if they don't...'
Then, a voice beside him cheerily yips.
"Tokinaga! Good morning! You're going to be late for work!"
There's some... creature beside him. Even through the haze of memory, its form is a little unclear to Lucien's perception, but it appears as some sort of amalgamation of features -- an eyeless sharp maw with antler-like horns, birds' wings and feet, and a snake-like tail.
"Everyone's going to die anyway," he replies dully, face buried in his pillow. The creature lays there on its back, feetsies up in the air, though its ears fall. It's hard to read, but maybe it's in thought.
"......Tokinaga, you're... so sensitive to the suffering of others, but you undervalue your own far too much." Then, with a renewed cheer, it shouts -- "That's why I like you, Tokinaga! You're so kind!"
Something about that kicks Tokinaga back into focus, slowly sitting up. There's a mild horror to his face as he realises how far he'd fallen.
"......You're... right. I... I used to have a human heart. That's why I wanted to help others to begin with. I'd stopped believing in anybody -- I almost just lost myself."
Ah. He can't let that happen. Ever. The creature uprights itself, ears perked back up again.
"Tokinaga's back to normal! Hooray!"
The Tokinaga in the memory looks back, managing a slight smile once more.
The Tokinaga in present watches that play out with a complicated expression. ]
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...
but he watches in silence. his hand goes to reach out for tokinaga, before stopping, as though uncertain if it's okay.]
... Would you rather I pretend I saw nothing?
[even if he can't, really.]
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Man. Truly if he could he would die before anyone found out about that creature. ]
Forgetting's not that easy. I'd rather you don't walk off with some weird assumptions...
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... Then, what was the truth that others wouldn't heed?
[he's starting to maybe see why tokinaga was so baffled that lucien simply believed zenn and anastasia.]
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...Everyone knew a lot less about them back then.
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I'm sorry.
[that in the end, no one supported him when he needed it.]
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It's like if somebody came up to you and told you they know exactly how to mend your family's relationships, starting by changing everyone's diets.
[ Sorry if that's a low blow, he doesn't mean it that way. ]
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he looks like he still wants to defend tokinaga, but.]
Apologies. I am being presumptuous about your circumstances.
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It's just that these are arguments I've already had with myself.
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In the end, people will just assume things, like I'm crazy, or I'm degenerate, that I have ulterior motives...
If I can guide things along without them needing the full picture then they don't need to know anyway.
For a lot of people, the less they know, the better.
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... You still deserve better than that, Tokinaga.
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[don't turn this against him???]
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Self-sacrificial...
[ ...Brat... Lucien isn't goblin enough to call him a brat but it's somewhere between that and 'kid'. ]
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I'm simply carrying out my existence as a prince. [it's not self-sacrificial!!!] This is a different matter from what you're dealing with.
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I've already said a lot.
[ You truly have to pry it out of this guy with both hands... ]
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[HELLO? FUCK YOU]
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[ TO BE FAIR HERE. Tokinaga really mostly chose 'ya ok I won't'. ]
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he gives him a serious look. :/ ]
If I answer, will you really, or will you find a way to get out of it?
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[ Puts his hand on the wheels. Does a little shimmy. ]
How am I gonna get out of it, anyway.
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[distrust]
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But sure. I'll answer honestly if you answer honestly.
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this is so hard, actually, even as someone who thinks himself to be fairly open. but he's aware that if he doesn't answer, then tokinaga won't, and then he'll lose his chance and tokinaga will never open up again and also this road ends with tokinaga hating him, somehow,]
To "deserve better", that implies some sort of standard to be met, some unconditional affection that should be given, but... [a light frown.] I don't doubt that my mother cared about me, but I suspect she wouldn't have had me if she had the choice, and my father only liked me as a weak and pathetic "pet" he could dote on. My siblings hate or ignore me for being half-commoner.
[...]
You said it was brave to aim for the throne even if it meant attempts on my life, but it's the other way around. The only way I was going to survive was if I gained allies, and to do that, I had to be useful enough for my existence to have "value" to others.
... So rather than deserve better, I have had it impressed on me all my life that I don't deserve anything in the first place—not unless I have earned it.
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And it feels like you've done a lot to earn it, from my eyes. As a person that doesn't know anything much at all about royal tensions and having to play crowds that way, anyway. I don't have any bias for that.
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You don't need to re-earn that sort of thing from me.
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And perhaps others would say the same, but it doesn't feel right not to.
[it doesn't feel like he's earned it in the first place to be honest.]
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the look of someone who feels like tokinaga is just saying this to be nice/placate him, but it's not like he can just accuse him of that without being an asshole, so.]
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... In any case, it's your turn.
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...
Don't say sorry, okay?
[ He quietly has his hands folded in his lap. ]
I shouldn't get to be the one always running away while everyone else dies.
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...]
You feel guilty for surviving, then.
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I'm not wishing for death, if that's what you're wondering. The opposite, really. Dying is terrifying.
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[ He can't really recall which one Lucien's talking about or what so far everyone and anyone knows about his life when he's so actually rather private about it. He already has a lot he's usually thinking about. ]
...It's not fair when people who still have a future die, while I just... get to keep watching from the sidelines.
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...
there are things that come to mind, but lucien shoves them down. uselessly, there is nothing he can say that will help, is there?]
Do you think they would resent your survival?
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the dawning horror that maybe it has been incredibly insensitive to talk about time loops around tokinaga?]
So you have reason to think it could be a possibility, then.
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No it's been really funny for certain reasons. ]
You could say that too.
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... Does it come at any risk to you?
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Anyway he's sat in quiet again even longer... fingers curling a bit in his lap. Really debating it here. ]
...I'll probably become like this permanently, instead of what's hopefully just a trade-off from the river, for starters.
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...]
But it would be worth it to you?
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anyway.]
... I know I'm not in any position to say anything, but I hope you find the path that will let you get what you want, without sacrificing too much of your ability to be happy.
[he won't say happiness, because tokinaga clearly isn't happy right now to begin with, so this is a wish for his future.]
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My god you don't know the half of it when it comes to happiness truly the kind that wraps around to also being funny. What's he doing. His happiest moments were with Obikawa (past tense)...... ]
It was already lucky enough that the incident with Obikawa didn't end up a lot worse like it could have. I should count my blessings, I know.
[ He just... has an incredibly difficult time trying to justify the positives when the negatives are like, well, people fuckin' died. ]
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You don't have to count your blessings. You're allowed to grieve for what's been lost.
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You don't need to worry about that. I do that plenty.
[ Many would say too much. ]
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Is there no one who can help you?
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It's my fault anyway, so I'll do what it takes to fix it.
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If there was, I would've caved already.
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[that's something too familiar to him already.]
If you find what you seek here, do you think that could help at all?
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It sounds pretty fantastical, but a lot of unbelievable things have happened to me in the last while, so why write this opportunity off early?
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[he says this knowing tokinaga won't, and maybe it's hypocritical coming from someone who's in a state of "wait and see" for himself, but.]
You may not believe you deserve better, but... again, I truly hope that you get what you want, without it being entirely at your expense as well.
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I like seeing young people like you doing their best. It reminds me I should too.
[ For them, not for him. ]
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he can't judge tokinaga's bracket meta, given that his own approach to his duties, but still. there is once again the silent look of someone who isn't sure how much of that is a sincere answer, and how much of it is a deflection.]
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I don't know how I should prove it to you...
[ Thinks... ]
...There's this girl I want to make sure lives a good life.
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A girl?
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[oh, wait, tokinaga banned him from saying that.]
... She is fortunate to have someone like you looking out for her, it sounds like.
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Man, it's really cold. Should we go back down?
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he presses his fingers to his temple for a bit, as though trying to ward off any incoming fever, before he nods.]
All right. Do you need any help?
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[ You should also come down... snow resort hot choccy for you. ]
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[*they may have to take breaks along the way
but at least it won't be like running after obikawa running after hak where he almost threw up...]
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I'm personally hoping it's less "should be" and "will be".
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They crouch a little and stare at a group of cats. Sparkly-eyed and curious. ]
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another child is peering at them from around a corner.]
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Looks at the cats for so long that when they look up and see another child, they jump a little with a surprised squeak. ]
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Peeks under their hat, in lieu of nobody else to hide behind. And with a heavier accented voice compared to their adult self - ] Who.. you?
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I'm L... [a pause] ... Luca.
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Lucien-kun!
Why the gifts all of a sudden? They look really nice. Thank you very much.
Don't worry about having come into my room, it's totally fine.
Now I know why Obikawa suddenly started asking at least.
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My apologies if he was bothering you. I did tell him that he didn't have to do it so immediately.
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Still, you didn't have to go so far! But I really appreciate it regardless.
Thanks again.
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I let him know but he's just taking weird pictures and sending weird texts. I think he's running but I don't know what he's doing right now.
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[er]
I hope everything's all right with him.
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Anyway, it's cute! And he should say thank you.
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I don't mind, really.
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But if I can't, let me say thank you for the both of us.
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[ Abuses my PC powers before I leave tomorrow ]
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Is it meant to look as though it's vibrating?
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β^. .^ββ
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Alright, I think I can hear probably Obikawa scrambling around outside.
Goodbye for now!
[ He's gonna hit me with the shenanigans again as usual. ]
w6 action;
At some point if Lucien wanders around back to the ski lodge ice rink zone, he can find Tokinaga back around there... standing on his own two feet! And eyepatchless! And bruiseless! Weird. Though it's not like it looks like he's exactly vibing out here either. ]
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????????]
Tokinaga...?
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Uh... yes? How do you know my name?
[ Turning to look at this... kid... He has two eyes, whoa. His usually-missing eye is a brighter colour, almost amber-like, though the more prominent feature is probably the pupil that's split into three parts. ]
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Your family is looking for you.
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[ Immediate worry... ]
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No, they're fine. Rather than looking for you, I should say they wanted someone to check on how you were doing...
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Uh, yeah. So far I'm fine. Nothing's happened...
Sorry, who are you...?
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Ah—apologies, my name is Lucien. I'm an acquaintance of your niece, and your family knew I was in the area, so they reached out to me. I'll admit, they didn't fully explain the circumstances to me.
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[ HIS NIECE WHO'S LIKE, A TODDLER. ]
Uh, alright. Sorry if this comes off weird, but you don't look like a person from Saga. Did you move... here... young?
[ He says 'here' with a bit of uncertainty. ]
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No, I apologize if I'm the one coming off weirdly! [a beat, and then cautiously—] ... Where do you think we are, right now?
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[ In the awkward tone of 'the place I just said', but not rudely. Doesn't explain because surely he doesn't have to to a... local...? ]
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...It's kind of cold for November, but it's chillier in places outside of Tokyo, isn't it...
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[ He supposes, why not. ]
If I'm not bothering you from anything.
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Pardon my asking, but are you all right...? You seem tired.
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It's why... I decided to come to Saga. I just needed to get away...
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a pause, because he is aware anything he can ask will potentially doxx himself as someone who doesn't know what's going on at all, but.]
Get away...?
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Yeah. You know.
Just from everything...
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... And you're hoping that Saga can give you some peace?
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... I'm sorry. It's a little hard to explain. [...] How long did you intend for your trip to be, again?
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Solo trip.
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[IN CASE THAT WAS MEANT TO BE A HINT...]
What about work?
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...I quit.
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Are you hoping to figure anything out while on this trip, or is it purely to give yourself a chance to breathe?
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I just wanted to go someplace where there wasn't anybody I knew or could recognise me. Some place I know nothing about.
I kind of ended up choosing Saga on a whim that way.
[ return of the mysterious saga ]
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and instead this poor man has to deal with a million people recognizing him.]
It's not so bad to let your whims guide you, sometimes. I hope it works out.
[except for the part where he's not in saga!!!]
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[ Cannot emphasise enough how little of a plan he had here besides Drift. ]
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Probably can't be worse.
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... Well it's the city, so it depends on what you like?
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May I ask what you were thinking of, then?
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[ He doesn't really know either, honestly. ]
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... Feels kind of bad to leech off of them at this age... and... she's curious about if I'll look for a partner and stuff...
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[said softly, though his tone turns more wry at the next part.]
People are always preoccupied with others' marital status. I suppose most parents would be especially.
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I'm 27 now. [ PROBABLY. idk when his bday is. ] Most men my age are either dating or married by now. That's what's normal.
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Perhaps, although if you aren't interested—pardon my presumption—then personally, I think that's fine too.
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I mean...
...
It's fine. I know she's just worried.
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Yeah, guess so.
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[he looks to the sky, holding his hand out briefly to catch a drifting snowflake.]
Either way, I really do hope you can find some measure of peace here.
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[ Though like, what would he talk about is his issue. ]
It's really foggy, isn't it? And grey.
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How did you say you knew me again? Through my niece...? Which side? I guess it doesn't matter that much. You're... a tutor...? English?... She's probably too young to be learning English yet, huh. How?
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[continues lying with such a straight face that might be surprising to someone with memories of lucien considering that he's usually honest.]
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[ He kind of aimed for a place with zero acquaintances so maybe this is a bit awkward... oh well. ]
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... Well, you could say I wanted to get away from everything for a bit as well.
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What're you getting away from then?
[ School...? ]
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...Yeah, that's pretty scary stuff. Society is a lot.
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[ Thinks about it... ]
Find someone you like...
[ Thinking about how his sisters and parents are such happy people. ]
...
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the awkward look of someone who doesn't think this is going to happen for himself?]
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...Find a decent workplace with decent people...
[ Still thinking about what to say. He hasn't really noticed. ]
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[ Finishes off on that. Dead air... ]
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... Thank you. I'll keep those things in mind.
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The point of this entire trip was to be head empty
He's doing his best to disassociate midkey he's spacing out ]
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Er...
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[ Feels genuinely bad for this kid that's just following him wherever and he's ignoring him. ]
Uh... how old are you?
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[blinks]
Eighteen.
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So you're in high school? You seem pretty mature for eighteen...
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[his other reference point for how eighteen years old act is anastasia.]
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Is that how it works?
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...Self-important, selfish people and stuff...
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I decided on a trip to Saga so I could try and get away from that stuff.
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I wanted to go someplace with no relatives, nobody I know, that I didn't know anything about. Totally new.
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Though if you don't mind me asking, do you have any plans for what you'll do after the trip?
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Thinking... maybe I could go back to school. I got up to a Masters before I decided to work instead. Could get a Doctorate. Work overseas.
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Working overseas sounds fascinating.
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[ Everything is so real world compliant in his canon and then suddenly there's fake-ass country of Rugname, so funny ]
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he doesn't want to say he has no idea what that is in case that sounds weird af.]
I see. To be honest, I would love to travel more, but even this much is pushing the limits of what my family would accept...
So I might be biased, but if you get the chance, I think it wouldn't be a bad idea to take it.
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...I think I just need something different though. Even though I will be kind of leeching on my parents' kindness until I can get that degree...
I'll pay it back eventually. I'll try.
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[...]
I'm sure you'll be able to.
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Hope so.
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HE IS AWARE THAT THINGS DON'T WORK OUT FOR TOKINAGA AT ALL BUT HE'S NOT ABOUT TO RAIN ON THIS VERSION'S PARADE
before i have lucien ask will you kill me if he asks what rugnamia or whatever it's called is like. do you have this info or will you cry.]
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If you do pursue further education, do you think you would still go for something related to literature?
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It's a doctorate so it'd be the same thing as my masters.
[ I'm truly sorry Lucien is constantly bombarded by things like Saga and Doctorates and he is simply left to drown because this Tokinaga doesn't know about jamjars. At the least he doesn't sound even remotely judgmental. ]
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Ah, right, of course. I'm glad that work didn't kill your interest in it, at least...?
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[ To like, you know. Live. ]
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[ But hey, it's his interest. ]
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Any particular reason you chose that field of study?
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I can understand that, perhaps. I've always been rather interested in international cultures and literature myself.
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Also you deserve to when I keep doing this to you because Tokinaga would. Observe: ]
Yeah? Where?
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... I don't think you would recognize the places.
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...]
Wallent, Rizoh, Gripa, Oratio, and Machinae.
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Oh, that's a lot of places.
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They we—they're the ones I'm most interested in.
[or rather the only other places on his continent.]
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An international program?
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... I'll consider it, then. [continues lying.] Though my... parents would also likely be concerned on whether or not it'd be safe for me.
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I would suggest a toast to our mutual troubles, but I suppose we're not holding any sort of drinks.
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[ The Problem Here ]
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[ You go, Lucien. ]
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[ Cannot say shit because that's where he's also at rn. ]
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As much of one as yours, certainly.
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[ Frankly his life is in shambles thank you so he has his shit together even less but it's fine. ]
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I don't think age has much to do with anything. Besides, twenties is still plenty young.
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[ He doesn't look convinced but doesn't seem keen on arguing either. ]
Yeah... guess not.
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he lets it slide since he doesn't think pursuing the subject is helpful, but he doesn't want to let things fall into silence if tokinaga doesn't want to think, so. random questions time!]
Do you have a season you like most?
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[ Startled. ]
Not really... you?
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Maybe spring, then?
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... Maybe I like summer the least...
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I don't care to show much skin [it's scandalous...] so humid weather is rather unpleasant for me for that reason.
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[ The way EnoSumi accidentally drew Tokinaga in longsleeves and a vest in fucking mid-August and was like Whoops. Dies of overheating. ]
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My condolences, then.
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I suppose not. There are really only so many ways to cool down...
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The AC use really shoots up the electricity bill.
[ Such mundane talk except the way Lucien has nonr of these things. ]
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And you can't just eat nothing but cold food and drinks.
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...
Maybe that's dumb.
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...
So I should have something cold now?
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[ Maybe something to think about later. Is Lucien really just following him around because he really has absolutely no goal and no direction, he is simply Wandering. ]
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Eventually though. ]
Are you okay?
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math lady meme of if he says he's tired, will tokinaga just ditch him? like, lucien supposes he's free to and wouldn't care under normal circumstances, but he feels like tokinaga should be supervised while in this state so to speak?]
I'm all right.
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There's that big place... can we walk in there?
[ The main lodge. Or tbh wherever else if you want. ]
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[ Wanders off there. ]
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anyhow lucien follows.]
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No it's just a regular paced shuffle. Faster than he is normally by virtue of not having a limp of any sort.
We are here. He is a little pikasquints at how nice it is in here. ]
It's a... resort?
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It is, yes.
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[ The vibe of someone who wasn't expecting there to be one here.
...Anyway, he gestures to the sitting area before the fire? ]
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[all threads lead back to the fireplace... but he will head over there.]
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[ Looking at the drink bar, and also looking around for signs or staff. He looks vaguely wigged out by the shadows but more maybe just unsure... ]
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It should be, yes.
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...Really?
[ Less doubt Lucien specifically and more just, you know. It's really free...? ]
Do you want anything?
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Tea might be good, though you don't need to go out of your way.
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[ So. Tentatively gets two bottles of tea and meanders back. ]
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[bottled tea... such a novelty.]
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[ Sits down by the fire also and zones out a bit staring at it. ]
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SEND THIS TO π OF YOUR BADDEST SINNERS ππΌππΎ IF YOU GET 0οΈβ£ BACK, YOU'RE UP NEXT FOR THE CAGE ππ«! IF YOU GET π BACK YOU BETTER BE READY FOR PAPΓ NOEL'S HOT β¨οΈ CARAJILLO βοΈ
LOVE β€οΈ YOU, YOU SLEIGH-RIDINGπ ELF-ASS SINNER! π MAY YOUR HOLIDAYS NEVER β BE BASIC! TURN UP π AND HAVE A VERY LIT π₯CHRISTMAS! ππ
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1/2
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Send this to of your baddest sinners! If you get 0 back, you're up next for the cage! If you get 10 back you better be ready for PapΓ‘ Noel's hot carajillo!
Love you, you sleigh-riding elf-ass sinner! May your holidays never be basic! Turn up and have a very lit Christmas!
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I'll do my best to bust you out.
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SEND THIS TO π OF YOUR BADDEST SINNERS ππΌππΎ IF YOU GET 0οΈβ£ BACK, YOU'RE UP NEXT FOR THE CAGE ππ«! IF YOU GET π BACK YOU BETTER BE READY FOR PAPΓ NOEL'S HOT β¨οΈ CARAJILLO βοΈ
LOVE β€οΈ YOU, YOU SLEIGH-RIDINGπ ELF-ASS SINNER! π MAY YOUR HOLIDAYS NEVER β BE BASIC! TURN UP π AND HAVE A VERY LIT π₯CHRISTMAS! ππ
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if you end up in the cage next i won't help you out
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[you better watch out you better watch out you better watch out]
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