ic inbox.

[lucentia]

HELLO

"Greetings."

GOODBYE

TEXT | VIDEO | VOICE | ACTION

Comments

[lucentia]

That's not a yes...

[distrust]

[vacuous]

You're probably just only going to worry more and I don't like worrying people.

But sure. I'll answer honestly if you answer honestly.

[lucentia]

[


this is so hard, actually, even as someone who thinks himself to be fairly open. but he's aware that if he doesn't answer, then tokinaga won't, and then he'll lose his chance and tokinaga will never open up again and also this road ends with tokinaga hating him, somehow,]

To "deserve better", that implies some sort of standard to be met, some unconditional affection that should be given, but... [a light frown.] I don't doubt that my mother cared about me, but I suspect she wouldn't have had me if she had the choice, and my father only liked me as a weak and pathetic "pet" he could dote on. My siblings hate or ignore me for being half-commoner.

[...]

You said it was brave to aim for the throne even if it meant attempts on my life, but it's the other way around. The only way I was going to survive was if I gained allies, and to do that, I had to be useful enough for my existence to have "value" to others.

... So rather than deserve better, I have had it impressed on me all my life that I don't deserve anything in the first place—not unless I have earned it.

[vacuous]

Two things can be true, you know. You can have made the decision out of necessity, and still be brave to do it.

And it feels like you've done a lot to earn it, from my eyes. As a person that doesn't know anything much at all about royal tensions and having to play crowds that way, anyway. I don't have any bias for that.

[lucentia]

Thank you. [said simply.] Though it's not the sort of thing where you earn it once and then never have to try again.

[vacuous]

[ Awake why ]

You don't need to re-earn that sort of thing from me.

[lucentia]

[:pensive:]

And perhaps others would say the same, but it doesn't feel right not to.

[it doesn't feel like he's earned it in the first place to be honest.]

[vacuous]

I hope you can get to the point where you can accept that then.

[lucentia]

It's not as though I've been able to do anything for you to begin with.

[vacuous]

You remind me there's kids like you out there doing their best and won't give up, so I can't either, can I?

[lucentia]

[...

the look of someone who feels like tokinaga is just saying this to be nice/placate him, but it's not like he can just accuse him of that without being an asshole, so.]

[vacuous]

[ He's so sincere...... ]

[lucentia]

[lucien feels like tokinaga would simply say whatever so that people didn't try to help him.]

... In any case, it's your turn.

[vacuous]

[ He's the most paradoxically sincere liar in the world...... ]

...

Don't say sorry, okay?

[ He quietly has his hands folded in his lap. ]

I shouldn't get to be the one always running away while everyone else dies.

[lucentia]

[and this is why lucien doesn't believe him...

...]

You feel guilty for surviving, then.

[vacuous]

[ His sense of duty... ]

I'm not wishing for death, if that's what you're wondering. The opposite, really. Dying is terrifying.

[lucentia]

I didn't think you were. I do recall that... "play" from before.

[vacuous]

All sorts of stuff happened, huh?

[ He can't really recall which one Lucien's talking about or what so far everyone and anyone knows about his life when he's so actually rather private about it. He already has a lot he's usually thinking about. ]

...It's not fair when people who still have a future die, while I just... get to keep watching from the sidelines.

[lucentia]

[well, if tokinaga doesn't remember, he's not going to remind him any further, given how badly tokinaga handled it then.

...

there are things that come to mind, but lucien shoves them down. uselessly, there is nothing he can say that will help, is there?]

Do you think they would resent your survival?

[vacuous]

What if I could undo it?

[lucentia]

... Is that a hypothetical or an actual possibility?

[vacuous]

...Hypothesis.

[lucentia]

[





the dawning horror that maybe it has been incredibly insensitive to talk about time loops around tokinaga?]

So you have reason to think it could be a possibility, then.

[vacuous]

[ Not this

No it's been really funny for certain reasons. ]

You could say that too.

[lucentia]

[lucien's mind scrambling like oh goddess did it feel like i was flaunting the fact that someone undid my deaths to him??? WAS I RUBBING IT IN HIS SURVIVOR GUILT-RIDDEN FACE???]

... Does it come at any risk to you?