ic inbox.

[lucentia]

HELLO

"Greetings."

GOODBYE

TEXT | VIDEO | VOICE | ACTION

Comments

[lucentia]

[:pensive:]

And perhaps others would say the same, but it doesn't feel right not to.

[it doesn't feel like he's earned it in the first place to be honest.]

[vacuous]

I hope you can get to the point where you can accept that then.

[lucentia]

It's not as though I've been able to do anything for you to begin with.

[vacuous]

You remind me there's kids like you out there doing their best and won't give up, so I can't either, can I?

[lucentia]

[...

the look of someone who feels like tokinaga is just saying this to be nice/placate him, but it's not like he can just accuse him of that without being an asshole, so.]

[vacuous]

[ He's so sincere...... ]

[lucentia]

[lucien feels like tokinaga would simply say whatever so that people didn't try to help him.]

... In any case, it's your turn.

[vacuous]

[ He's the most paradoxically sincere liar in the world...... ]

...

Don't say sorry, okay?

[ He quietly has his hands folded in his lap. ]

I shouldn't get to be the one always running away while everyone else dies.

[lucentia]

[and this is why lucien doesn't believe him...

...]

You feel guilty for surviving, then.

[vacuous]

[ His sense of duty... ]

I'm not wishing for death, if that's what you're wondering. The opposite, really. Dying is terrifying.

[lucentia]

I didn't think you were. I do recall that... "play" from before.

[vacuous]

All sorts of stuff happened, huh?

[ He can't really recall which one Lucien's talking about or what so far everyone and anyone knows about his life when he's so actually rather private about it. He already has a lot he's usually thinking about. ]

...It's not fair when people who still have a future die, while I just... get to keep watching from the sidelines.

[lucentia]

[well, if tokinaga doesn't remember, he's not going to remind him any further, given how badly tokinaga handled it then.

...

there are things that come to mind, but lucien shoves them down. uselessly, there is nothing he can say that will help, is there?]

Do you think they would resent your survival?

[vacuous]

What if I could undo it?

[lucentia]

... Is that a hypothetical or an actual possibility?

[vacuous]

...Hypothesis.

[lucentia]

[





the dawning horror that maybe it has been incredibly insensitive to talk about time loops around tokinaga?]

So you have reason to think it could be a possibility, then.

[vacuous]

[ Not this

No it's been really funny for certain reasons. ]

You could say that too.

[lucentia]

[lucien's mind scrambling like oh goddess did it feel like i was flaunting the fact that someone undid my deaths to him??? WAS I RUBBING IT IN HIS SURVIVOR GUILT-RIDDEN FACE???]

... Does it come at any risk to you?

[vacuous]

[ Oh Lucien... it's funnier actually

Anyway he's sat in quiet again even longer... fingers curling a bit in his lap. Really debating it here. ]

...I'll probably become like this permanently, instead of what's hopefully just a trade-off from the river, for starters.

[lucentia]

[I DON'T LIKE FUNNIER but lucien will assume he was in fact rubbing his deaths/undos in tokinaga's face out of lack of awareness for whatever this funnier thing is. makes mental note never to mention this again.

...]

But it would be worth it to you?

[vacuous]

If I can just guarantee it...

[lucentia]

[thinks about how obikawa was telling lucien about his hangouts with tokinaga and lucien was internally like i cannot picture this because all i ever do with tokinaga is have depressing conversations with him

anyway.]

... I know I'm not in any position to say anything, but I hope you find the path that will let you get what you want, without sacrificing too much of your ability to be happy.

[he won't say happiness, because tokinaga clearly isn't happy right now to begin with, so this is a wish for his future.]

[vacuous]

[ He punks your ass sometimes and you just get sad about it :(

My god you don't know the half of it when it comes to happiness truly the kind that wraps around to also being funny. What's he doing. His happiest moments were with Obikawa (past tense)...... ]

It was already lucky enough that the incident with Obikawa didn't end up a lot worse like it could have. I should count my blessings, I know.

[ He just... has an incredibly difficult time trying to justify the positives when the negatives are like, well, people fuckin' died. ]

[lucentia]

[because he's not convinced tokinaga doesn't secretly find him annoying ): ]

You don't have to count your blessings. You're allowed to grieve for what's been lost.