ic inbox.

[lucentia]

HELLO

"Greetings."

GOODBYE

TEXT | VIDEO | VOICE | ACTION

Comments

[lucentia]

[...]

Tokinaga, I get the feeling you're thinking about something besides my circumstances. [which is fine, because honestly, lucien wonders if tokinaga isn't sick of hearing about lucien's problems all the fckin time, but—] May I ask if that's the case?

[vacuous]

...I really am though. It's always scary to think about what pushes people to do things that hurt other people.

[lucentia]

... I suppose I'm wondering if you have to deal with such people often, to think of this.

[vacuous]

I wouldn't say that, exactly.

[lucentia]

Can I ask what you would say, then?

[also if you ever want to give a mem back feel free I'M SORRY TOKINAGA HAS JUST HAD TO REPEATEDLY LEARN MORE ABOUT TIME LOOPS THAN HE EVER WANTED. i can also interrupt with a stupid memory any time.]

[vacuous]

[ I was about to ask you in my next tag if you wanted a mem funnily enough

So sure, he's just staring off into the ice and...

A young Tokinaga, about fifteen or so, has already decided where he needs to be in his future. He studies for years and years and years, and he's accepted at the age of 24, into the Meteorology Division. He arranges to have a personal meeting with the head of department. There, he tells him everything -- of the true origin of the IPOs, and the demon responsible behind it all. You had all your evidence lined up, having had nine years to organise it all, and you made sure they were in an order that made the most sense, was the easiest to follow.

He soon finds his coworkers has become distant from him, and he's thereafter removed from the team. His head of department approaches him not much longer after that and explains how they cannot have him working here, and to put it lightly, pressures him to quit. He silently walks back to his bare desk, and the reality of what just happened sinks in.

'......I screwed up...! I have to go back... to my first day...!'

Back then, his bruises only came up just to his ankles. This time, when he speaks to his head of department, he avoids mentioning Nisroca at all. This time, he mentions that the sea soil samples retrieved by an investigation team in 1990 may have a connection with the appearance of IPOs. He posits it purely as hypothesis and theory, so they don't question his mental state again.

But he's a member of the IPO Invasion Prediction Department of the Meteorology Division. This is above anyone's paygrade here. They're already busy as-is, so if Tokinaga wants to work on anything else, he's instructed to pursue it as a personal side project.

Two years later. They'd never followed up on his warnings, he's not heard a word. He should be getting for work already, but he can't bring himself to do it. He remains in bed, haggard in appearance and worn down. His psyche's been crushed by the persistent tension and unease brought on by his need to try to change things, to save people -- but nobody had listened. He's stopped liking people, and feels so utterly alone.

'Nobody even wants to listen. Even though so many people are going to die if they don't...'

Then, a voice beside him cheerily yips.

"Tokinaga! Good morning! You're going to be late for work!"

There's some... creature beside him. Even through the haze of memory, its form is a little unclear to Lucien's perception, but it appears as some sort of amalgamation of features -- an eyeless sharp maw with antler-like horns, birds' wings and feet, and a snake-like tail.

"Everyone's going to die anyway," he replies dully, face buried in his pillow. The creature lays there on its back, feetsies up in the air, though its ears fall. It's hard to read, but maybe it's in thought.

"......Tokinaga, you're... so sensitive to the suffering of others, but you undervalue your own far too much." Then, with a renewed cheer, it shouts -- "That's why I like you, Tokinaga! You're so kind!"

Something about that kicks Tokinaga back into focus, slowly sitting up. There's a mild horror to his face as he realises how far he'd fallen.

"......You're... right. I... I used to have a human heart. That's why I wanted to help others to begin with. I'd stopped believing in anybody -- I almost just lost myself."

Ah. He can't let that happen. Ever. The creature uprights itself, ears perked back up again.

"Tokinaga's back to normal! Hooray!"

The Tokinaga in the memory looks back, managing a slight smile once more.

The Tokinaga in present watches that play out with a complicated expression. ]

[lucentia]

[okay but what if he agrees with this weird eyeless creature.

...

but he watches in silence. his hand goes to reach out for tokinaga, before stopping, as though uncertain if it's okay.]

... Would you rather I pretend I saw nothing?

[even if he can't, really.]

[vacuous]

[ Should you though.

Man. Truly if he could he would die before anyone found out about that creature. ]

Forgetting's not that easy. I'd rather you don't walk off with some weird assumptions...

[lucentia]

[he agrees that tokinaga undervalues his own suffering...]

... Then, what was the truth that others wouldn't heed?

[he's starting to maybe see why tokinaga was so baffled that lucien simply believed zenn and anastasia.]

[vacuous]

The true origin and nature of IPOs.

...Everyone knew a lot less about them back then.

[lucentia]

Did they ever come to believe you...?

[vacuous]

My hypothesis wasn't considered until ten years after I joined the Institute.

[lucentia]

[...]

I'm sorry.

[that in the end, no one supported him when he needed it.]

[vacuous]

You don't need to be. In retrospect, I should've been smarter about it to begin with. Who would believe a brand-new recruit's far-fetched hypothesis in an entirely different field?

[lucentia]

Even if you were new, this was a matter of utmost importance, was it not? If they weren't making progress, then surely it would've been worth exploring any and all leads!

[vacuous]

It was the IPO Invasion Prediction Department. They had their hands full already trying to monitor the movement and activity of IPOs as it was. It was my mistake for choosing that department to begin with.

[lucentia]

If they were too busy to direct you to the proper department, when you had a hypothesis that could help, then that sounds like a failing of the organization.

[vacuous]

There was no guarantee the hypothesis would help.

It's like if somebody came up to you and told you they know exactly how to mend your family's relationships, starting by changing everyone's diets.

[ Sorry if that's a low blow, he doesn't mean it that way. ]

[lucentia]

[...........

he looks like he still wants to defend tokinaga, but.]

Apologies. I am being presumptuous about your circumstances.

[vacuous]

I appreciate you trying.

It's just that these are arguments I've already had with myself.

[lucentia]

... I suppose that when it's already happened, it no longer matters what could've or couldn't have been different.

[vacuous]

I'm more careful now, so I can avoid mistakes like that.

[lucentia]

I wish that you didn't have to be, though perhaps that's an empty sentiment.

[vacuous]

It's fine.

In the end, people will just assume things, like I'm crazy, or I'm degenerate, that I have ulterior motives...

If I can guide things along without them needing the full picture then they don't need to know anyway.

For a lot of people, the less they know, the better.

[lucentia]

[quietly,]

... You still deserve better than that, Tokinaga.